The Art of Grandparenting No. 1: Becoming a Grandparent

The Meaning of Grandparenting ... When a grandparent makes a phone call to a grandchild, attends concerts together or just takes a grandchild someplace, he or she ... NorthDakotaStateUniversity AboutNDSU Academics Admission Athletics Publications Accessibility NDSU › Publications › Kids&Family / TheArtofGrandparentingNo.1:BecomingaGrandparent SeetheLatestPublications BrowseAllPublications Publications Business CommunityDevelopment Crops Disasters Energy Environment&NaturalResources FarmEconomics&Management Food&Nutrition Health&Fitness Home&Farm Kids&Family Adolescence&Youth AdultDevelopment&Aging ChildDevelopment&Well-being FamilyLife&Relationships Mental&BehavioralHealth Parenting&Grandparenting TheArtofGrandparentingNo.1:BecomingaGrandparent Lawns,Gardens&Trees Leadership Livestock Personal&FamilyFinance Info TheArtofGrandparentingNo.1:BecomingaGrandparent (FS1554,RevisedOct.2020) DownloadPDF Amongthevarietyoffamilyrolesthatexist,perhapsthemostuniqueisbecomingagrandmother,agrandfatherorastepgrandparent.Grandparentingtypicallyoccurswhenapersonhasreachedmaturityandhaswisdomorexperiencetosharewiththerisinggeneration.Thispublicationintroducesaneducationalseriesontheartofgrandparentingandtheuniquecontributionsthatgrandparentscanmaketofamilylifeandthelivesofgrandchildren. SeanBrotherson,Ph.D.,FamilyScienceSpecialist BrendaLangerud,ExtensionEducator DivyaSaxena,M.S.,FamilyScienceAssociate Contents   Amongthevarietyoffamilyrolesthatanindividualmightpassthroughinlife,perhapsthemostuniqueisbecomingagrandmother,agrandfatherorastepgrandparent. Grandparentingtypicallyoccurswhenapersonhasreachedmaturityandhaswisdomorexperiencetosharewiththerisinggeneration.Thispublicationintroducesaneducationalseriesontheartofgrandparentingandtheuniquecontributionsthatgrandparentscanmaketofamilylifeandthelivesofgrandchildren. BecomingaGrandparent Infamilylife,thetransitiontoparenthoodoftenisseenasasignificantshiftthatintroducesthenewparenttothejoysandchallengesofcaringforanewfamilymember.Lessattentionisgiventothetransitionthatoccursforadultswhentheybecomeagrandparent,andyetsimilarly,itisanoccurrencethatofferstheopportunityforbothhappinessandgrowth. Becomingagrandparentputsadultsintheroleofmentorstoanewgeneration.LifespanpsychologistErikEriksondevelopedthetermgenerativitytodescribethetaskofgrandparentsandotheradultsinraisingandcontributingtothewell-beingofthenextgenerationofchildren.Grandparentingputsadultsintheroleofguiding,givingandengagingyoungpeopletoseethefutureandwhattheyhavethepotentialtobecome,andtoreachforit. Notallgrandparentsarethesame.Notallpeopleentergrandparenthoodinthesamemanner.Researchindicatesthatnearly95percentofallolderadultswithchildrenbecomegrandparents.Additionally,othersenterthe“grandparent”roleasadultchildrenmarryspouseswhoalreadyhavechildren(becomingastepgrandparent),ortheysimplyadopttheroleofgrandparenttochildrenintheirfamilyorcommunitycircle.Inanyfamilycircumstance,becomingagrandparentisadoorwaytoanewopportunityforconnection,mentoringandpassingonvaluesandfamilyidentity. “IfIhadknowngrandchildrenweregoingtobesomuchfun,Iwouldhavehadthemfirst.” TheRolesofGrandparents Actingintheroleofgrandparentcanbeoneofthespecialjoysofgrowingolder.Grandparentshavemultipleandimportantrolesthattheyplayinfamilylife.Watchdog,storyteller,familyhistorian,listeningear:Grandparentsmayfulfillalloftheserolesandmore.Rememberthatgrandparentscanprovidealinktothepastandaguidetothefuture.Inmanyways,grandparentsactasthebridgebetweengenerationsinafamilyandwithincommunities. Therolethatagrandparentplaysinfamilylifecanvarywidely.Factorsthatinfluenceagrandparent’srolemayincludeagrandparent’sage,thelifestageofthegrandchild,gender,raceorculture,physicalhealthofthegrandparent,closenessoffamilytiesandthemannerinwhichparentsinteractwithachild’sgrandparents.Agrandparentdoesnothavetoactinonlyoneroleorremainthesameinhisorhergrandparentingstyle.Afewmainstylesofgrandparentingdescribedinresearchare: Formalgrandparent–agrandparentwhofollowsprescribedideasandactsasthefamilyelder Fun-seekergrandparent–agrandparentwhoisinformal,playfulandfunforagrandchild Reservedgrandparent–agrandparentwhoremainsinthebackgroundandengagesfamilyusuallyaroundholidaysorotherritualoccasions(weddings,etc.) Surrogateparent–agrandparentwhoassumesthecare-givingresponsibilitiesinraisingagrandchild Wisegrandparent–agrandparentwhoprovidestraininginspecialskills,furnishesresourcesordispenseswisdomandcounsel Thepointisthatagrandparentdoesnotneedtopracticeaparticularstyle.Agrandparent’sinvolvementandroleinagrandchild’slifemayvaryandcombineavarietyofexperiencesandstylesthatfithisorherrelationshipwithaparticularchildandalsohisorherpersonality. “Becomingagrandparentislikethedessertattheendofagoodmeal.” TheMeaningofGrandparenting Whenagrandparentmakesaphonecalltoagrandchild,attendsconcertstogetherorjusttakesagrandchildsomeplace,heorsheishavingadirectinfluenceonagrandchild.Whengrandchildrenareconfrontedwithasituationandthinkabouttheirgrandparent,theyareinfluencedindirectlybythatgrandparent’semotionalpresenceandexample. Whatkindofrelationshipsandlegacydoyouwishtobuildasyoupracticetheartofgrandparenting? Thinkingaboutandreflectingonyourownexperiencesandideascanbehelpfulinpreparingyoutobeagrandparentorinyourcurrentgrandparentingactivities.Considerandreflectonthefollowingquestions: Wereyouclosetoagrandparentorgrandparentalfigure? Wereorareyourownparentsclosetoyourchildren? Howdidyoufeel(orhowmightyoufeel)whenyourfirstgrandchildwasborn? Canyouseeyourselfastheemotionalleaderofyourfamily? Whataresomethingsthatyouuniquelycanteachagrandchild? Whataresomeofthethingsyou’dliketopassontoagrandchild? Wecanchoosetheactionswetakeinseekingtoestablishpositiverelationshipsandbuildlastingmemoriesinthelivesofgrandchildren. Themeaningofgrandparentingcanbedeepandprofoundformanypeople.Thebenefitsthatcometograndchildrenasgrandparentstakeanactiveroleintheirlivesincludeavarietyofpositivecontributions.Grandparentscan: Impartasenseofidentity Provideunconditionallove Representhopeforthefuture Beasourceofstabilityandsecurity Actasamentorandteacher Exemplifypositivevalues,idealsandbeliefs Nurtureandgivesupport Assistwithemotional,mentalandspiritualwell-being Bearolemodelandplaycompanion ExploringtheRoleofGrandparents Tostimulateyourthinkingandassistyouinexploringtheroleofgrandparents,takesometimetofillintheblanktoeachstatementandprovideyouranswersordiscusspossibleideaswithotherfamilymembersorfriends. 1.“Grandparentsare_____(fun)_________.” “Grandparentsare___________________________.” “Grandparentsare___________________________.” 2.“Grandparentsgive_____(time)_________.” “Grandparentsgive___________________________.” “Grandparentsgive___________________________.” 3.“Grandparentsdon’t_(disagreewithparentsinfrontofchildren)_.” “Grandparentsdon’t________________________________.” “Grandparentsdon’t________________________________.” 4.“Grandparentsdothis:_____(givealisteningear)_________.” “Grandparentsdothis:______________________________.” “Grandparentsdothis:______________________________.” 5.“Animportantroleforgrandparentsis__(familystoryteller)__.” “Animportantroleforgrandparentsis__________________.” “Animportantroleforgrandparentsis__________________.” Conclusion Becomingagrandparentintroducesadultstoalifeexperiencethatcanbefullofmeaningandfurnishjoyasonelearnstheartofgrandparenting.Thefamouspsychologist,ErikErikson,observedthatthemostimportanttaskofadulthoodistheprocessofgenerativity,orgivingofoneselftothenextgeneration.Whatareyougiving?Whatwouldyouliketogivetothegrandchildreninyourlife?Taketimetoappreciatetherelationshipsavailabletoyouandconsiderwhatyouwillcontributeasagrandparentinraisingthenextgeneration. NineThingstoRememberWhenGrandchildrenCometoVisit 1.Thevoiceofone3-year-oldcryingislouderthanthoseof20adultslaughing. 2.A6-year-oldcanstartafirewithaflintrock. 3.VCR/DVDplayersdonotejectpeanutbutterandjellysandwiches. 4.Alwayslookintheovenbeforeyouturniton.Plastictoysandcatsdonotlikeovens. 5.Playdoughisnotmicrowaveable. 6.Whenyouhearthetoiletflushandthenthewords,“Uh-oh,”italreadyistoolate. 7.Carkeysareperfectfordroppingdownanyvent. 8.Marblesingastanksmakealotofnoisewhendriving. 9.Catsgetdizzywhendroppeddownstairswhileinabag. “Ifyourbabyneverfusses,alwayssleepsthroughthenightandisanabsolutelyperfectbaby,youarenottheparent,youarethegrandparent.”   RecommendedResources BooksandVideos Guarendi,R.(2018).Beingagrandparent:Justlikebeingaparent...onlydifferent.Cincinnati,Ohio:FranciscanMedia. Isay,J.(2018).Unconditionallove:Aguidetonavigatingthejoysandchallengesofbeingagrandparenttoday.Harper. Johnson,S.,Carlson,J.,andBower,E.(2010).Grandloving:Makingmemorieswithyourgrandchildren.Lancaster,Va.:HeartstringsPress.Also,visitwww.grandloving.com. Kornhaber,A.(2012).Thegrandparentguide:Thedefinitiveguidetocopingwiththechallengesofmoderngrandparenting.Independentlypublished. LaBan,E.(2009).Thegrandparentshandbook:Games,activities,tips,how-tos,andall-aroundfun.Philadelphia:QuirkBooks.  OrganizationsandWebsites HomeandFamilyresourcepage,AmericanAssociationofRetiredPersons–TheHomeandFamilyresourcepageontheAARPwebsiteoffersideas,articlesanddiscussiongroupsforavarietyoffamilyandgrandparentingissues.Website:www.aarp.org/home-family/friendsfamily/ Cyberparent–Thiswebsiteoffersarticles,linksandgroupsthatarededicatedtosupportingalovingrelationshipbetweengrandparentsandtheirgrandchildren.Website:www.cyberparent.com/gran GrandkidsMatter–SupportedbytheNationalAssociationforGrandparenting,GrandkidsMatterisanonlineresourcecenterofferingtips,videos,articlesandotherresourcesongrandparentingtopics.Website:https://grandkidsmatter.org/ Grandloving.com–TheGrandloving.comwebsiteoffersavarietyofusefultips,connectionideasandresourcesforgrandparentsandtheirfamilymembers.Website:www.grandloving.com/index.html VerywellFamilyforGrandparents–Thissitehasawealthofresourcesforgrandparentsandotherfamilymembers,includingarticles,tipsandtools.Website:www.verywellfamily.com/forgrandparents-4162029 References Adler,E.S.,andHoffnung,M.(2018).BeingGrandmaandGrandpa:Grandparentsshareadvice,insightsandexperiences.GrandPublications. Binstock,R.H.,andGeorge,L.K.(Eds.).(2011).Handbookofagingandthesocialsciences(7thed.).SanDiego,Calif.:ElsevierInc. Brotherson,S.,Langerud,B.,andSaxena,D.(2008,September).Theartofgrandparenting.Facilitator’sGuide,FamilyandCommunicationEducationClublessonmaterials,NDSUExtensionService,NorthDakotaStateUniversity,Fargo,N.D. Johnson,S.,Carlson,J.,andBower,E.(2010).Grandloving:Makingmemorieswithyourgrandchildren.Lancaster,Va.:HeartstringsPress. Kornhaber,A.(2012).Thegrandparentguide:Thedefinitiveguidetocopingwiththechallengesofmoderngrandparenting.Independentlypublished. Meyer,M.H.,Kandic,A.,andSuitor,J.J.(2017).GrandparentingintheUnitedStates.InnovationinAging,1(2).Meyer,M.H.,andAbdulMalak,Y.(Eds.).(2017).GrandparentingintheUnitedStates(SocietyandAgingSeries).NewYork:Routledge. FormoreinTheArtofGrandparentingseries. Filedunder: family-relationships, family-parenting, family Feelfreetouseandsharethiscontent,butpleasedosoundertheconditionsofourCreativeCommonslicenseandourRulesforUse.Thanks. StudentFocused.LandGrant.ResearchInstitution. Map Employment Phone/EmailDirectory Search Privacy Nondiscrimination MobileSite NDSUExtensionService Phone:(701)231-8944 NDSUDept.7000 311MorrillHall,P.O.Box6050 Fargo,ND58108-6050 SiteManager: BobBertsch