What I wish I knew about being a stay-at-home mom - Motherly

Resist the urge to say “just” when talking about your role as stay-at-home mom. Stay-at-home mom isn't synonymous with being a martyr. Try not ... InThisArticle Resisttheurgetosay“just”whentalkingaboutyourroleasstay-at-homemom.  Stay-at-homemomisn’tsynonymouswithbeingamartyr.  Trynottoworryaboutwhatothersthink. It'sOKifyoudon’tlikebeingastay-at-homemomsometimes.  Youmightchangeyourmindanddecideyoudon’twanttobeastay-at-homemom. Beingastay-at-homemomdoesn’trequireperfection.  Childrenthrivewhentheirmamasthrive.  Dearmamawho’sastay-at-homemom:Iseeyou.  Iseetheworryinyoureyesandtheheavinessinyourheart.Ialsoseethejoyandthecontentmenttoo.Becauseit’sallthere.Beingastay-at-homemomisjoyfulandexhausting,fulfillingandthankless,rewardingandlonely,entertainingand(dareIsay)boringallatthesametime.Andit’sreallyconfusingtofeelallthesethings.Especiallywhentheworldtellsyouthingslike"enjoyit;itgoessofast"and"Idon'tknowhowyoudoit"and"yousurehavegotyourhandsfull."  Soyousecond-guessyourself.Youworryaboutmoneyandwonderifyou’llevergetanhourtoyourselfagain.Youaregratefultohavetheprivilegetobeabletochoosethismotherhoodpath,butyoualsofeelsounappreciatedandisolatedsometimes.Doesanyoneevenseeyou? Iseeyou.  BecauseI’vebeenyou.  IfIcouldrewindtheclock,thereareafewthingsIwishIcouldtellmynew-stay-at-home-mom-self.Butofcourse,Ican’t.SoinsteadI’llsaythemtoyou.  Resisttheurgetosay“just”whentalkingaboutyourroleasstay-at-homemom.  Youaren’t“just”astay-at-homemom.You are astay-at-homemom.Andanamazingoneatthat.Don’tpressureyourselftodomoreorbemore.  Stay-at-homemomisn’tsynonymouswithbeingamartyr.  Beingastay-at-homemomdoesn’trequireanendlesssupplyofself-sacrificeandmartyrdom.Yourneedsmattertoo.Infact,meetingyourneedsareessentialtobeingabletomeettheneedsofyourlittleone.  Trynottoworryaboutwhatothersthink. WhenIwasastay-at-homemom,Ispentwaytoomuchtimeworryingaboutwhatothersthoughtaboutmychoice.WouldtheythinkIwaseatingbon-bonsallday,astheclichégoes?WouldtheythinkI“wasted”myeducation?Wouldtheyjudgemeformakingthischoice?OrwouldtheyjudgemeifIhadmadeadifferentchoice? Truthbetold,peoplearetypicallytoobusyworryingabouttheirownchoicestospendalotoftimethinkingaboutyours.Buteveniftheyare,noneofthosepotentialjudgmentsoropinionsmatter.Theonlythingthatmattersiswhetherthisistherightchoiceforyouandyourfamily.BeingaSAHMmaynotbetherightchoiceforothermoms,andthat’sokay.InthewisewordsofAmyPoehler,“Goodforyou,notforme.”Thisistruewhetheryouareawork-outside-the-homemom,stay-at-homemom,work-from-homemom,orsomecombinationofallofthis.Motherhooddoesn’tlookthesameforeveryone,andneitherdoesthewaywespendourdays.  It'sOKifyoudon’tlikebeingastay-at-homemomsometimes.  Therearemanydayswhenyoumightdownrighthatebeingastay-at-homemom.That’sokay.Youmightsecond-guessyourchoice.That’sokaytoo.Usuallythesefeelingscomewhenthebabyhasspituponyouforthethirdtimeinanhour,thetoddlerrefusestotakeanap,thedishwasherisonthefritzagain,andyouhaven’ttalkedtoanotheradultfor36hours.It’sokaytonotlikebeingaSAHMallthetime.It’shardwork,afterall.Youtendtotheneedsoflittlehumans–whoareincapableoftellingyouhowmuchtheyloveandappreciateyou.Butknowthatyouarelovedandappreciated.Andonthosespit-up,no-nap,broken-dishwasher,no-adult-conversationdays,remindyourselfthattomorrowisanewday.  Youmightchangeyourmindanddecideyoudon’twanttobeastay-at-homemom. Ifyourealizethatbeingastay-at-homemomisnotworkingforyouoryourfamily,that’sokay.Needsandcircumstanceschange,andyou'llchangewiththem.Youwillcontinuebeinganamazingmomtoyourlittleone. Beingastay-at-homemomdoesn’trequireperfection.  Justbecauseyouareastay-at-homemomdoesn’tmeanyourhouseneedstobeimmaculateorthatyouneedtodoallofthelatestenrichmentactivitieswithyourbaby.Yourhousewilloftenbeamess.(Littlehumansaremessy.)Youwillbetooexhaustedtomakecraftswithyourpreschooler,soyou’llsnugglewhilewatchingamovieinstead.That’sgreat.Nooneisaskingyoutobeperfect.Perfectionisawolfinsheep’sclothing;itseemsinnocentenoughbut,believeme,itwilldestroyyou. Reminder:Somedaysgoodenoughisdownrightfantastic. Childrenthrivewhentheirmamasthrive.  Childrendon’tneedaperfectmom;theyneedahappyone.Maybeyoufillyourdayswithplaydateswithotherparents,oryouspendcozymorningsathomeinyourpajamas,oryouhaveastructuredroutine,oryouhaveregularbabysittersoyoucangotoMoms’NightsOutwithyourfriendsandrunerrandsalone.Whateverworksforyouandyourfamily,leaninto that. Yourchildrenwiththriveifyouarethriving.  RelatedStories Baby 5thingsIwishIdidn’twastetimeworryingaboutasanewmom Work&Motherhood Iwanttobeastay-at-homemomANDaworkingmom Parenting GoingfromworkingprofessionaltoSAHMwasarealeye-opener