5 Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Stay-at-Home Mom

Having a stay-at-home mom routine is great, but sometimes things change, and that's okay. If your kids need extra attention or are having a bad day, you may ... Subscribetoournewsletter Subscribe Subscribetoournewsletter Pregnancy Birth Postpartum Parenting Lifestyle Subscribe Pregnancy Birth Postpartum Parenting Lifestyle ShowFilters Hidefilters MostSearchedTopics 5ThingsIWishIKnewBeforeBecomingaStay-at-HomeMom sahm •UpdatedJanuary12,2022 by CheyenneBell Share Fromthemomentyouseethosetwopinklinespopup,youwillhaveabunchofpeoplegivingyouatonofadvicewhetheryouwantitornot.Mostofthetime,allthisunsolicitedinformationiswell-meaning,butitcanstillbeannoyingandoverwhelming.Forme,mostofwhatIwantedtolearnasanewmomIcouldfindbyreadingbooks,researching,ortalkingtofriendswhoalreadyhadkidsandtalkingtomydoctorormidwife.But,lookingbacknow,therewerejustahandfulofthingsthatneverreallygotdiscussed,andIkindofwishsomeonehadsharedthemwithme. Ofcourse,allofmyexperienceinbeingamomisasastay-at-homemom,soforyouworkingmomsoutthere,yourexperiencesmaybedifferent,andI’dLOVEtohearwhatthingsyouwishsomeonehadsharedwithyou.But,forme,thesefivethingsarewhatcameasasurprisetomeasaSAHM: 1.Youwillfeelboredandlonely. Thisonewasabitofashockerforme:Iamanintrovert—abigone.There’snotmuchmoreIenjoythanspendingalotofqualitytimewithmyself.SoIthoughtthatthispartofbeingaSAHMwouldbeawesome!What?Igettohangoutathomealldayand“just”takecareofatinybaby?Signmeup! Turnsout,beinghomealonewithanitty-bittybabyalldayisnotnearlyasawesomeasIthoughtitwouldbe.ThereareonlysomanyepisodesofEllenyoucanwatchwhilenursing(everytwohours)beforeyouwanttochunktheremotethroughtheT.V.IalsoquicklyrealizedthatIdidn’thavethetimeIthoughtIwouldhave(moreonthisonelater)todoallthethingsIthoughtIwoulddo.Iwastoobusyjustgoingfromonemundanetasktothenext,dayinanddayout,justsothatthebabyandIstayedalivethatday.Thedaysbecamelongandmonotonousand,dareIadmitit,BORING. Morethanthat,Iwasso,solonely.Beinganintrovert,Ihonestlydidn’tthinkIcouldgetlonelysinceI’dalwaysthrivedonbeingalone.Butthiswasdifferentbecause,inallmyyearsoflovingmyalonetime,I’dalwaysbeenabletochoosebetweenitandhangingoutwithfriends.Thistime,Ihadnochoice.Iwasstuckinmyhousewithmybabyallday.Ididn’thaveanyothermommyfriendswhomIcouldcallandchatwithorwithwhomIcouldhangout.Allofmyfriendswerestillchildlessandwenttoworkeveryday. ItwassweetreliefwhenmyhusbandcamehomeintheeveningssothatIcouldhaveatleastoneadultconversationperday.BecomingaSAHMwasaveryisolatingexperience,andIdidn’tknowhowtohandleit.IgenuinelybelievethattheisolationIfeltcontributedinabigwaytomypostpartumdepression. It’snowonderthatSAHMsreportmoredepression,sadness,andangerthantheirworkingcounterparts.Thegoodnewsisthatitdoesn’thavetobethisway.Yes,youwillgothroughaperiodofadjustmentinthosefirstfewmonths.Yes,youwillexperienceperiodsofboredomandlonelinessthatyoudidn’texpect.Butifyouarmyourselfwithsometoolsnow,suchassettingadailyscheduleforyourselfandyourbaby,implementing“metime,”andfindingyourtribe(whichIdiscussbelow),youwillbeabletogetthroughtheseperiodsmucheasierthanIdid. 2.Youwillhaveverylittletimetodoanythingproductive. Logically,IknewthatIwouldbestayinghome,alone,withmynewbaby,anditwouldbeachange.WhatIdidn’trealizeisthat,despitemyfantasiesofusingthistimeathometoexcelintheartofbeingadomesticgoddess,IwouldhaveverylittletimeorenergytodoanyofthethingsIthoughtIwoulddo—likekeepingacleanhouseorworkingonallmyvariouscraftandhomeprojects. TherealityofthesituationwasthatIwasgettingverylittlesleepduetothelittlebundlewhorefusedtosleepanywhereotherthanONme,andduringtheday,mydarlingchilddidverylittlebesidesscreamherheadoff(hello,colic!).Iwasjuststrugglingtosurvivethosefirstfewmonths.Aftershegotalittleolderandwegotmoreofaroutinedown,shestillnappedforveryshortspurts(20minutesmax)sothatevenifIstartedtodosomethingproductive,I’dnevergettofinishit.IfeltlikeIwasinaperpetualparadoxofhavingtoolittletimetoaccomplishanythingandtoomuchtimesittingaroundnursingortryingtogetmybabytosleepwhereIcouldn’tdoanything.Itwasveryfrustrating! Granted,Iknowsomemomsareblessedwithreallyeasybabies.Babieswhoprettymucheat,sleep,andpooponaschedulefromdayone.Babieswhosleepsoundly,leavingmomtoherowndevicestogetstuffdone.Ihopeyouhaveoneoftheseeasybabies.Ididnot.Mybabywasdifficult,soIhadtoresignmyselftothefactthat,foraseason,IwouldnotbeabletogetasmuchdoneinadayasIhadhoped.Ihadtolowermyexpectationsofmyselfforthesakeofmysanity. IfyouarelikemeandhavetogiveupondoingALL.THE.THINGSwiththetimeyouthoughtyou’dhave,giveyourselfsomegraceandrealizethatitwon’talwaysbethisway.Babieswilllearntosleepbetter(mostofthetime).They’lleventuallybehappyplayingontheirownforatleastafewminutesaday.Youwill,eventuallyandgradually,gainmoretimetodoallthosethings.Sobepatientandgiveyourselfabreak! 3.Findingyourtribeisessential. Thisone,Ibelieve,appliestoSAHMsandworkingmomsalike.I’vewrittenonthistopicmanytimesbecauseitisvital.Youknowtheadage,“Ittakesavillagetoraiseachild”?It’sso,sotrue.Sotrue.It’salsotruethatittakesatribetogrowamom. AsImentionedbefore,whenIhadmyfirstbaby,Ifeltveryisolatedandalone.Ihadnoonewithinmyimmediatecircleoffriendswhohadbabies,andIwasn’tverygoodatmakingfriendsonmyown(andIcertainlyhadnoideahowtofindnewmommyfriends).Aftercryinginmywineglasstomydoulaseveralweeksaftermydaughter’sbirth,IfinallyrealizedthatIwanted,no,Ineededfriends.FriendswhocouldrelatetoallthethingsIwasgoingthroughasanewmom.ThosefriendsIcouldcallinthemiddleoftheday,soIdidn’tlosemymind.Friendswhowouldjoinmeataparkwiththekidssowecouldescapeourprison-likehome.AndfriendswhocantellmeaboutallofthenewmomessentialsIreallyneed. Mydoula,Godblessher,knewhowtohelpmefindthosefriends,introducedmeviasocialmedia,andIsoonwenttomyfirstplaydate.Itsavedmylife.ThosegirlswelcomedmewithopenarmsandmademefeellikeIwasnolongeralone.Wemetweeklyforplaydates(eventhoughmychildwasonlythreemonthsold,Istillwent,andtheystilllovedme),andwechatteddailyonourprivateFacebookpage.Itwasaturningpointformeinmyjourneyasanewmom.Thosepreciouswomenarestillmyfriends,tothisday,despitelivingindifferentcities.IftherewereonlyonepieceofadviceIcouldgiveallmoms,itwouldbetofindyourtribe! 4.Carveoutsometimeforyourhusband,evenifyoudon’tfeellikeit. ThisonealsoappliestobothSAHMsandworkingmamas.Okay,soI’mgoingtogetalittlepersonalhereandadmitthatevenwhenmymidwifegavemyhusbandandmethego-aheadtostarthavingsexagainafterbaby,itwasthelastthingIwantedtodo.NotonlywasIutterlyexhaustedfromlackofsleep,takingcareofascreaminginfant24/7,andtryingtokeepthehousefrombeingacompletedump,Iwasalsofightingalotofbodyimageissuesafterhavingababy.Thethoughtoftryingtogetsexywithmyhusbandwasaboutasexcitingtomeasgoingtogetabikiniwax. But,Iknewthatsexwasimportanttomyhusband.Notjustbecausehe’samanandwiredtowantitmore,butalsobecausehetendstoexpressemotionandintimacythroughsex,likemostmen.SowhileIhadlittletonodesiretogetbackintheswingofthingsinthatareaofourlife,Iknewitwasimportanttohim,andtherefore,importanttoourmarriageformeto,attheveryleast,makeaconcentratedefforttohavesexytimeagain. Itmaytakeawhileforyouguystofindwhatworksforyouasacoupleagain.Remember,yourbodyhaschanged,yourliveshavechanged,andit’snotgoingtobeaseasyasitoncewastoconcentrateoneachother.Trytobesensitivetohisneeds,butdon’tbeafraidtotellhimyourneedsaswell.Itmaytakesometimeforyoutowanttobeintimateagain.However,IhavefoundthatmakinganeffortevenwhenI’msotiredIcanbarelystandupoftenleadstosomeverypreciousandtendermomentsbetweenmyhusbandandme.Andthat’sworthbeingtiredfor. 5.Learntotrustyourinstinctsandletitgo. Again,thisisauniversaltruththatallmomscanbenefitfrom.ThereareprettymuchthreethingsIcanguaranteeaboutparentingdecisions:(1)Itwillneverbeeasy,(2)Youwillneverbe“right,”and(3)Itwillallbeokay. Fromthemomentyoufindoutthatyou’reexpecting,youarebombardedwithmanyimportantdecisions:willyoubreastfeed?Willyoucircumcise?Vaccinate?Haveahomebirthorhospitalbirth?Willyoustayathomeorgobacktowork?Willyouco-sleep?Thelistcouldgoonandon.Makingthesedecisionscanbestressfulbecausenoneofthemareeasyquestions.Youcouldreadbooksandarticlesandonlineresourcesandblogsandeverythingyoucangetyourhandsonabouttheprosandconsofeachdecisionyouaretryingtomakeandendupmakingyourselfevenmoreconflictedandconfused! Listen,Iwantyoutorealizesomethingrightnow:makingparentingdecisionswillneverbeeasy.Decisionsliketheseoftentakealotofthought,research,prayer,anddiscussion.Further,nomatterhowthoroughlyyouresearch,discuss,pray,andponder,yourdecisionwillneverbethe“right”onebecauseTHEREARENORIGHTANSWERS.Letthatsinkinforaminute. Allyoucaneverdowhenyouhavetomakeahardparentingchoiceisresearch.Maketherightdecisionforyouandyourfamily,trustyourinstincts,andthenrollwithit.YouwillalwayscomeacrosssomeonewhomadeadifferentchoiceoramomwhoisbeingMissJudgy-pantsaboutyourdecision(believeme,I’vebeenjudgedformanyofmychoices).Ignorethem.It’sYOURchoiceforYOURchild,andyouhavetostopworryingonceyou’vemadeyourdecision.Trustyourself,mama. Finally,andmaybemostimportantly,Iwantyoujusttotakeabreathandrepeatthistoyourself,“Itwillallbeokay.”Thismotheringthingishard,andtherearealotofreallychallengingpartsofit.Butit’salsoamazingandlikenothingelseinlife.Itmayseemprettyoverwhelmingattimes,especiallyinthebeginning,butIpromiseyou,mama,itreallywillallbeokay.You’vegotthis! reactions Upvote Love Care Surprised Celebrate Insightful Share ChickPicks Shop Trendingarticles 9BestEducationalCartoonShowsforToddlers ALettertoMySon ALettertoMyDaughter Relatedarticles AGoodSAHMRoutineforMomswithLittles TheMostOverlookedSafeSleepPracticesthatShouldn’tBeIgnored RelatedPodcasts EverythingYouNeedtoKnowAboutToddlerBehaviorwithDr.Cathryn–PodcastEp89 NoDeadBabies:HowtoSpotUnsafeProductsandProtectYourFamily–PodcastEp88 Mostpopular 25AdorableComingHomeOutfitsforBaby newborns 543 Relatedproducts AmazonPrimeDayDeals2022 Must-HaveProductsforTwins Trendingtopics Babies:Newborn-2yrs • Motherhood • Tips • Toddlers:2yrs-5yrs • Childhood:5yrs+ • ThirdTrimester • Lifestyle • SecondTrimester • FirstTrimester Subscribetoournewsletter Signuptoreceiveourweeklyupdatestoeducateandinspireyouonyourparentingjourney.Wewillkeepyouup-to-datewiththelatesttrendsandtopicsfrompregnancytomotherhood! 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