15 Signs You're Actually Too Polite - Reader's Digest

15 Signs You're Actually Too Polite · You can take politeness too far—it's time to stop apologizing for everything! · Constantly complimenting ... ShareSaveSavedShareonFacebookSaveonPinterestTweetthisEmailNextSkiptomaincontentMENUTheHealthyFoodHomeHumorKnowledgeHolidaysVideosSubscribeSearchtermsSearchformsubmitbuttonToggleSearchSignUpForOurNewslettersSignUpforOurNewslettersRD.COMKnowledgeEtiquette15SignsYou’reActuallyTooPoliteCharlotteHiltonAndersenUpdated:Sep.17,2021Youcantakepolitenesstoofar—it'stimetostopapologizingforeverything!MorsaImages/GettyImagesConstantlycomplimentingpeople’sappearance“Oh,youlooksoskinny!”“Yourdressisgorgeous!,”or“Youreyesarethemoststunningshade!”mayseemlikenicecomplimentsatfirstbutcomplimentsaboutappearanceareshallowandmaynotbereceivedinthesamemanneryouintended,saysBonnieTsai,etiquetteexpertandfounderanddirectorofBeyondEtiquette.Plus,ifyoudoitconstantly,saywheneveryoumeetsomeone,itcanfeeloverwhelmingandinsincere.“Offerasincerecomplimentontheirachievementsinstead,”shesays.Andavoidthese16complimentsthatareactuallyinsultsatallcosts.ⓘCookieStudio/ShutterstockGivinglonganswerstoquestionsYoumaythinkyou’rebeingextrapolitebygivingsomeoneeverybitofinformationtheymightwantinresponsetoaquestionbutmostofthetimepeoplesimplywantthebasicfacts,particularlyinaprofessionalsetting,saysMaryanneParker,abusinessandsocialetiquetteconsultantinSanDiego,authorofPoshOvernight,andfounderofManorofManners.Longanswersruntheriskofyourlistenersimplytuningyouout,sheadds.“Keepyouranswersshortandtothepoint,they’llaskfollowupquestionsiftheyneedmoreinformation,”shesays.Ifsomeoneyou’retalkingtoisbreakingthisetiquetterule,takenoteofthesepolitewaystoendalongconversation.MorsaImages/GettyImagesHoldingeyecontactfortoolongSomeeyecontactisapolitewaytolettheotherpersonknowyou’reinterestedandengagedinwhatthey’resaying.Butsomepeopletakethe“maintaineyecontact”ruletoofarandturnitintoanaggressivestaringmatchoranuncomfortablecrazy-eyeddeathstare,saysJeffLarsen,LMFT,amannerexpertandlicensedpsychotherapist.“Goforagenuineeye-to-eyecontactandthenlookawayeveryonceinawhile,”hesays.Itshouldfeelnatural.Ifyou’renotsure,askafriendtopracticewithyou.Areyoudoinganyofthese14behaviorsthatmakeyoulooklikeajerk?CookieStudio/ShutterstockBeingayesmanorwomanAreyouthego-topersonwhenpeopleneedafavor?Whilethatisagoodsignyou’repolite,itissomethingthatcaneasilybetakentoofar.“Youmayfeelgreatatthemomentwhenyouagreedtohelpbecauseyoudon’twanttohurttheirfeelings,butitcouldendupnegativelyimpactingyourrelationshipduetoresentmentandexhaustion,”Tsaiexplains.Nottomentionthatifyougetoverwhelmedandendupnotbeingabletodeliverthatwouldbemoreimpolitethansimplyrefusingtodoitinthefirstplace.Instead,tryincorporatingsomeofthesedailyhabitsofnaturallypolitepeopleintoyourroutine.CookieStudio/ShutterstockUsingtoomanysuperlativesSayingsomethingis“awesome”or“fantastic”canbeanicecomplimentbutwheneverythingis“AMAZING!”or“FABULOUS!”thenyou’vecrossedthelinefrompolitetoirritating,Larsensays.Usesuperlativessparinglyandwhentheyarewarranted,otherwisetheybecomemeaningless,hesays.You’llalsowanttofollowthese50littleetiquetteruleseveryoneshouldpractice.CookieStudio/ShutterstockHedgingyouropinionsThere’sadifferencebetweentryingtoseeallsidesofanissueandtryingtobeeverythingtoeveryonebyneveractuallysayingwhatyouthink.“Youmaythinkyou’rebeingpolitebyagreeingwitheveryonebutinrealityitmakesyoulookweakandindecisive,”Parkersays.Therearewaystoshareadissentingopinionwithoutbeingoffensiveorconfrontational.TakenoteoftheserudeAmericanmannersthatarepoliteinothercountries.Koldunov/GettyImagesApologizingforeverylittlethingSaying“sorry”isabasicruleofpolitenessbutsomepeopleuseitinappropriately,apologizingforeverything.“Beingoverlyapologeticorexpressingitinsituationswhereitisn’tnecessarycanindicatethatyouhavelowself-esteemwhichcancausepeopletotakeadvantageofit,”Tsaisays.Evenifyou’renottakenadvantageof,manypeoplefindconstantapologizingtobeveryirritatingormaywonderwhyyou’resoafraidofthem.Areyoualsoguiltyofsayingthesethingspolitepeoplealwayssay?AmeliaFox/GettyImagesTouchingpeopleinappropriatelyAfirmhandshakeispolite.Afterthat,physicalcontactgetsmurkywithwhat’sconsideredappropriatedependingverymuchonthesituationandthepeopleinvolved,Larsensays.Youmaythinkthatgivingsomeoneabigbearhugorrubbingtheirshouldersisanicewaytoshowyouraffectionbutyouruntheriskofmakingthemveryuncomfortable,particularlyifthegendersareopposite.Keepyourhandstoyourself,asageneralrule,hesays.Checkouttheseothersecretsyourbodylanguagemayberevealingaboutyou.CookieStudio/ShutterstockAlwaysdeferringtoothers’preferencesLettingotherpeoplemakeallthedecisionsmayfeelappropriate,particularlywhenyou’redealingwithhigher-upsinabusinesssetting.However,alwaysaskingotherstochooseputsyouatadisadvantagebecausetheywilllearnnottotakeyouseriously,Parkersays.Makingothersorderforyouatarestaurantis20ruderestaurantmistakesyouneedtoquitASAP.AndersenRossPhotographyInc/GettyImagesFailingtospeakupListeningisanimportantpartofpoliteness—andmanypeopledon’tdoenoughofit—butifyouneverspeakupthat’saproblemtoo,Tsaisays.“Beingtooconsiderateofothersandtheirrighttospeakcostsyoutheopportunitytoshareyourinsightandpersonality,”shesays.Aconversationisatwo-waystreetanditworksbestwhenbothpeopleuseit.Makesureyou’rebeingpolitewithyourtechtoo:Avoidthese11timesyourAirPodsmakeyouseemrude.MorsaImages/GettyImagesBeingultraPCBeingPC,or“politicallycorrect,”isatwo-edgedsword.Doneright,itcanhelpyoubeacceptingandrespectfulofpeoplewithdifferentlifestyles,beliefs,orcultures.Butthisisonepolitehabitthatcandefinitelygotoofar,Parkersays.“Manypeoplethinkbeingpoliteisneveroffendinganyone,ever,”sheexplains.Whileyoushoulddoyourbestnottobeoffensive,itisn’tpossibletopleaseeveryoneandbeingsuperPCallthetimemaymakeyousoundaffectedorpatronizing.Instead,focusonbeingagoodlistenerandknowinghowtoapologizewhenyoudomessup.Herearesomemorehabitspolitepeoplehaveincommon.master1305/GettyImagesYoungfuncrazybrunettehousewifewithspoonisolatedonwhitebackground.Housekeeperwomanholdingwhiteemptyplate.Copyspaceadvertisement.Clearingthetablewhenothersareeating“Clearingupthedirtydishesmayseemlikeaconsiderategesturebutifothersarestilleating,itcanbeperceivedasasignaltoendthemealorthatyou’retellingthemtoleave,”Tsaisays.Andifyou’renotthehost,itcanevencomeoffasquiterude,asifyouthinkthetableisn’tcleanoryou’retakingoverhostingduties.Alwayswaituntilpeoplearefinishedeatingandifit’snotyourhome,askfirstifyoucanhelptidyup.We’renottheonlyoneswhosometimesstrugglewithhowpoliteweshouldbe.HereareallthetimestheEmilyPostwasnotsopolite.CookieStudio/ShutterstockGivingone-wordanswersPeopleworriedaboutoversharingmaythinkthey’rebeingpolitebykeepingtheiranswersextremelyshort.Butwhileaconciseanswerispolite,one-wordanswersalmostneverare,Parkersays.“Answeringjust‘yes’or‘no’canfeelcurtanddismissive,”sheexplains.(Andthisincludeselectroniccommunications.Alittleexplanationisalwayswelcome.Thisisoneofthemannerseveryparentshouldteachtheirkids.CookieStudio/ShutterstockSkippingallthesmalltalkSmalltalkgetsabadrapthesedaysandmanypeoplecitesmalltalkassomethingscaryordifficult.Soyoumaythinkthatbyskippingthe“Howareyou?”orthe“Youenjoyingthisweather?”you’redoingeveryoneafavorbygettingstraighttothepoint.Whileyoushouldn’tobfuscateyouranswer,there’salottobesaidformakingalittlepoliteconversationfirst,Parkersays.Ithelpspeoplefeelcomfortableandestablishesarelationship.Justavoidthebigno-no’sofpoliticsandreligion.Ifyou’restuckforsomethingtosay,tryoneofthese37conversationstartersthatwillmakeyouseeminteresting.CookieStudio/ShutterstockTurningdowncompliments“You’resosmart!”“Ohno,I’mjustaluckyguesser!I’mreallyagiantidiot!”Youmaysimplybetryingtolookpolitelyhumblebydownplayingcompliments—andalittleself-deprecatinghumorcanbegreat—butconstantlyputtingyourselfdownmakesyoulookbadandmakesothersuncomfortable,Parkersays.Learninghowtograciouslyacceptasincerecomplimentisapoliteskilleveryoneshouldmaster,shesays.Thiscanalsobeoneofthe11telltalesignsyou’rebeingpassiveaggressivewithoutevenrealizingit. OriginallyPublished:June26,2020CharlotteHiltonAndersenCharlotteHiltonAndersen,BS,MS,hasbeencoveringhealth,fitness,parenting,andcultureformanymajoroutlets,bothinprintandonline,for15years.She'stheauthoroftwobooks,co-hostoftheSelfHelpObsessionpodcast,andalsodoesfreelanceeditingandghostwriting.ShehasappearedintelevisionnewssegmentsforCBS,FOX,andNBC. NewsletterUnitSignupforarticlessentrighttoyourinboxEnjoythebeststories,advice&jokesdeliveredrighttoyourinbox!SignUpCMUUnitSubscribe&SAVESaveUpTo84%!SubscribeNowWearenolongersupportingIE(InternetExplorer)aswestrivetoprovidesiteexperiencesforbrowsersthatsupportnewwebstandardsandsecuritypractices.Werecommendouruserstoupdatethebrowser.GoogleChromeAppleSafariMozillaFirefoxMicrosoftEdgeArts&EntertainmentMoreItemsBooksPersonalityTypeQuotesRoyalFamilyZodiacALLARTS&ENTERTAINMENTBeauty&FashionMoreItemsClothingHairCareHairStylesMakeupShoes&AccessoriesSkincareALLBEAUTY&FASHIONFoodMoreItemsHealthyEatingNews&AdviceRecipesALLFOODHolidays&ObservancesHomeMoreItemsCleaningDecorDIYGardeningOrganizingPestControlRepairALLHOMEHumorMoreItemsCartoonsFunnyStories&PhotosJokesALLHUMORJokesMoreItemsSubmitYourJokeSubmitYourCartoonCornyJokesFunnyOne-LinersKnock-KnockJokesRiddlesALLJOKESKnowledgeMoreItemsBrainGamesEtiquetteFactsGrammar&SpellingPsychologyALLKNOWLEDGEMoneyMoreItemsBudgetingDealsRetirementScamsSpendingTaxesALLMONEYPets&AnimalsMoreItemsCatsDogsALLPETS&ANIMALSRelationshipsMoreItemsDatingFriendshipsMarriageParentingALLRELATIONSHIPSTechMoreItemsInternetPersonalTechALLTECHTravelMoreItemsAirlinesAirportSecurityPacking&AccessoriesVacationsALLTRAVELTrueStoriesMoreItemsHolidayStoriesInspiringStoriesLoveStoriesNicestPlacesSurvivalStoriesALLTRUESTORIESWork&CareerMoreItemsCareerPlanningSucceedingatWorkALLWORK&CAREERVideosContestsShopSubscribeNewslettersAboutUsFollowUsMoreItemsFacebookPinterestInstagramTwitter