Positive relationships for parents and children: how to build them

Positive relationships between parents and children are key to child development. These relationships are about being in the moment, ... Skiptocontent Skiptonavigation Positiverelationshipsbetweenparentsandchildren:whythey’reimportantChildrenlearnanddevelopbestwhentheyhavestrong,loving,positiverelationshipswithparentsandothercarers.That’sbecausepositiverelationshipswithparentsandcarershelpchildrenlearnabouttheworld–whethertheworldissafeandsecure,whetherthey’reloved,wholovesthem,whathappenswhentheycry,laughormakeaface,andmuchmore.Youcanbuildapositiverelationshipwithyourchildby:beinginthemomentwithyourchildspendingqualitytimewithyourchildcreatingacaringenvironmentoftrustandrespect.There’snoformulaforgettingyourparent-childrelationshipright.Butifyourrelationshipwithyourchildisbuiltonwarm,lovingandresponsiveinteractionsmostofthetime,yourchildwillfeellovedandsecure.Beinginthemoment:howitsupportspositiveparent-childrelationshipsBeinginthemomentisabouttuninginandthinkingaboutwhat’sgoingonwithyourchild.Itshowsyourchildthatyoucareaboutthethingsthatmattertothem,whichisthebasisforastrongrelationship.Herearesomeideasforbeinginthemomentwithyourchild:Showacceptance,letyourchildbe,andtrynottogivedirectionsallthetime.Ifyourchildwantstopretendthebuildingblocksarepeople,that’sOK.Youdon’thavetogetyourchildtousethemthe‘right’way.Noticewhatyourchildisdoingandcommentonorencourageitwithoutjudgment.Forexample,‘Arethebigblueblockstheshopkeepers?Andisthelittleredblockgoingshopping?’Listentoyourchildandtrytotuneintoyourchild’srealfeelings.Forexample,ifyourchildistellingyoualongstoryaboutlotsofthingsthathappenedduringtheday,theymightreallybesayingthattheylikethenewteacherorthatthey’reinagoodmood.Stopandthinkaboutwhatyourchild’sbehaviouristellingyou.Forexample,ifyourteenagechildishangingaroundinthekitchenbutnottalkingmuch,theymightjustwanttobeclosetoyou.Youcouldofferahugorletthemhelpwiththecooking,withoutneedingtotalk.Partofbeinginthemomentwithyourchildisgivingyourchildopportunitiestotakethelead.Forexample:Letyourchildleadplaybywatchingyourchildandrespondingtowhatyourchildsaysordoes.Thisisgreatforyoungerchildren.Supportyourchild’sideas.Forexample,ifyourolderchilddecidestoplanafamilymeal,whynotsayyes?Whenyourchildexpressesanopinion,youcouldusetheconversationasawaytolearnmoreaboutyourchild’sthoughtsandfeelings,evenifthey’redifferentfromyours. Repeatingorrephrasingyourchild’swords,smilingandmakingeyecontacttellsyourchildyou’repayingattentionwhenyou’retalkingorspendingtimetogether.Theseexpressionsofwarmthandinteresthelpyourchildfeelsecureandbuildconfidence.‘Qualitytime’:whyit’simportantinpositiverelationshipsPositiverelationshipsbetweenyouandyourchildarebuiltonqualitytime.Timetogetherishowyougettoknowabouteachother’sexperiences,thoughts,feelingsandchanginginterests.Thisshowsthatyouvalueandappreciateyourchild,whichisgreatforyourrelationship.Qualitytimecanhappenanytimeandanywhere,inthemiddleofordinarydaysandsituations.Itcanbeasharedlaughwhenyou’rebathingyourtoddleroragoodconversationinthecarwithyourteenagechild.Thesemomentsgiveyouthechancetocommunicatepositivemessageswithsmiles,laughter,eyecontact,hugsandgentletouches.Youcanmakethemostoftimetogetherbyminimisingdisruptionsanddistractions.Thiscanbeaseasyasputtingawayyourphone.Ithelpsyourchildknowthatyou’rereallykeentospenduninterruptedtimewiththem.Theremightbetimesinyourfamilylifewhenit’snotpossibletohavealotoftimewithyourchildeveryday.Butplanningsomeregularone-on-onetimewithyourchildcanhelpyoumakethetimecount.Yourchildlearnsanddevelopsthroughspendingtimeandinteractingwithyouandothercarers.Forexample,thetimeyouspendtalkingwithyourchildinthefirstthreeyearsoflifehelpsyourchildlearnlanguage.Trustandrespect:howtonurtureitinpositiverelationshipsTrustandrespectareessentialtoapositiveparent-childrelationship.Intheearlyyearswithyourbaby,developingtrustisimportant.Yourbabywillfeelsecurewhentheylearntheycantrustyouandothermaincarerstomeettheirneeds.Thissenseofsafetyandsecuritygivesyourchildconfidencetoexploretheworld.Trustandrespectbecomemoreofatwo-waystreetasyourchildgetsolder.Youcannurturetrustandrespectinyourrelationship.Forexample:Beavailablewhenyourchildneedssupport,careorhelp.Thismightbepickingupyourtoddlerwhentheyfall,orpickingupyourteenagechildwhentheycallyouafteraparty.Thishelpsyourchildlearntotrustthatyou’llbetherewhentheyneedyou.Sticktoyourpromises,soyourchildlearnstotrustwhatyousay.Forexample,ifyoupromisethatyou’llgotoaschoolactivity,doeverythingyoucantogetthere.Gettoknowyourchildandvaluethemforwhotheyare.Ifyourchildlovesfootball,cheeryourchildonoraskaboutthebestplayers.Showingrespectforyourchild’sfeelingsandopinionsencouragesyourchildtokeepsharingthemwithyou.Whenyourchildexpressesdifferentopinionfromyours,listenwithoutjudgingorgettingupset.Thissendsthemessagethatyou’lllistenandhelpyourchildwithdifficultissuesorsituationsinthefuture.Allowtherelationshiptoevolveasyourchilddevelops,andyourchild’sneedsandinterestschange.Forexample,yourpre-teenchildmightnolongerwantyouaroundattheparkwiththeirfriends,eventhoughyourchildusedtoloveplayingtherewithyou.Setupsomefirmbutfairfamilyrules.Rulesareclearstatementsabouthowyourfamilywantstolookafterandtreatitsmembers.Theycanhelpyourchildtrustthatyou’llbeconsistentinthewayyoutreatthem.