Preoccupied Attachment Style: The Causes, Traits, and Signs

This attachment style tends to act on their needs rather than communicating. Meaning a large show of emotion like a panic attack or acting out ... 310-299-2040 PreoccupiedAttachmentStyle:TheCauses,Traits,andSignsbyDr.KateBalestrieri|Feb2,2021|RELATIONSHIPS,TRAUMA Itmaycomeasnosurprisethatyourchildhoodcanhaveadirecteffecton youradultlife.Therelationshipyouhavewithyourparentsoftencorrelateswithyourfriendshipsandromanticrelationships. Oneeffectyourparentsmayhavehadisonyourattachmentstyle.Thewayaparentinteractswithaninfantoryoungchildwillinfluencetheirfuturerelationships. Attachmenttheoryhasdictatedfourmainattachmentpatterns.Theyaresecureattachmentstyle,fearful-avoidantattachmentstyle,dismissive-avoidantattachmentstyle,andanxious-preoccupiedattachmentstyle. Knowingyour styleofattachment willhelpyouformbetteradultrelationships.Herearethecauses,traits,andsignsofananxious-preoccupiedattachmentstyle. WhatCausesanAnxiousAttachmentStyle? Thoughtherearemanystudies,psychologistscan’tsayforsurewhatcausesanyattachmentstyle.Butmostresearchhaspointedtoparentingstylesplayingamajorrole.Manypeople’spersonalitiestakeshapeinearlychildhood. Thisistrueforattachmentstylesaswell.Thewayaparentinteractswithaninfantoryoungchildmaycontributetothechild’sfuturepersonality. Inthecaseofananxious-preoccupiedattachmentstyle,researchersbelievethatinconsistentparentingmaybeafactor.Inconsistentparentingbehaviorsincludebeingnurturingattimesbutemotionallyunavailableatothers. Thiscanmeannotpickingupthebabywithaninfantwhenit’sshowingsignsofdistress.Aninfantmaydevelopanambivalentattachmentwithanunreliableprimarycaregiver. Itmayalsomeanshowinginterestinayoungchildatonemomentandinsensitiveorcriticalatanother. Asthechilddevelops,they becomeconfused.Theyaren’tsurewhatbehaviorfromtheirparenttoexpect.Inturn,thechildbecomesinsecureanddevelopsananxiousattachmenttotheparentorcaregiver. WhatAretheSignsofAnxious-PreoccupiedAttachment? Childrenandadultscanshowsignsofananxious-preoccupiedattachmentstyle.Childrenoftenexhibitthistowardstheircaregiving,becomingclingyorwhiny.Adults,however,tendtoexhibitthesignsinarelationshiporfriendship. Adultswithananxious-preoccupiedattachmentstylemayhavedifficultytrustingothers.Theymayworryaboutbeingrejected,makingtrustalottoask. Othersignsmayincludeabandonmentissues,cravingclosenessandintimacy,andbeingdependentinrelationships.Thosewithanxious-preoccupiedattachmentsmayneedfrequentreassurancefromthepeopletheycareabout. Theseadultsmayalsobesensitivetomoodsandactions.Theymayalsobehighlyemotional,lackimpulsecontrol,beunpredictable,andmoody. Disorganizedattachmentsmaydesiretobeemotionallyclosebutfeeluncomfortablewithsaidcloseness. Anxious-preoccupiedattachmentsmayalsobecomorbidwithincreasedriskforanxietydisorders.Socialphobia,generalizedanxietydisorder,andpanicattacksareamongthemostcommoncomorbidities. Anxious-PreoccupiedAttachmentStyleinRelationships Ifyouhavean anxious-preoccupiedadultattachmentstyle,relationshipsanddatingmaybedifficult.Youmayhaveahardtimefeelingsecureinyourrelationships.Thiscanincludeyourfamily,friends,andintimatepartners. Anxious-preoccupiedattachmentsmayfindrelationshipstobemorestressfuloremotional.Ontheextremeside,yourrelationshipsmaybenegativeorunstable.Thisisduetofeelinginsecureandfearingabandonment. Thosewiththisattachmentstylemaybecomepossessiveovertheirpartnerandhavehigherlevelsofjealousy.Theymaybeoverlydependantorclingingtowardstheirpartner. Thisattachmentstyletendstoactontheirneedsratherthancommunicating.Meaningalargeshowofemotionlikeapanicattackoractingoutthatrequiressoothingfromtheirpartner.Thismaystartaviciouscycle withthepartnerendingupfrustrated. Becauseofinsecuritieswithinthisattachmentstyle,therearemanytriggersfornegativeemotions.Unresponsivenessisoneofthemostcommon.Notrespondingtotextorcallscancreateincreasedlevelsofworry. Theymayfeellikesomethingthey’vedonehaspushedtheirpartneraway.Thisleadstothesecondtrigger:perceivedthreatorlossoftherelationship.Thefearofabandonmentmaycauseinternalcatastrophizingofasmallissue. Finally,unpredictablebehavior,physicalormentaldistance,andamoreindependentpartnermayallbetriggersforanxious-preoccupiedattachmentstyles.Theneedforconstantvalidationandconsistencyinrelationshipsmakethesechangesdifficult. HowtoHelpanAnxiousAttachedPartner Ananxious-preoccupiedattachmentisnottheendoftheworld.Thoughrelationshipsmaybedifficult,theyarenotimpossibleforpeoplewiththeseattachments. Ifyourpartnerhasananxious-preoccupiedattachment,therearewaysyoucanhelp. Asapartner,thebestactionyoucantakeistomakeyouranxiousattachedpartnerfeelsecureinyourintimaterelationship.Theywillprobablyneedongoingassuranceaboutthewayyoufeelaboutthem. Youshouldbeconsistentintheattentionyougivethem.Communicatetimeswhenyouwillbeunavailabletoavoidtriggeringfeelingsofabandonment. It’salsoessentialtofollowthroughonanycommitmentsandpromises.Breakingthesecanfueltheirlackoftrust. Oneofthemosthelpfulthingsyoucandoisencouragethemtobeself-awarewithoutfeelinglikeyou’recallingthemup.Helpthemtoovercometheiranxietythroughself-reflection. TipsforAnxiousAttachmentAdults Youmaynotbeabletochangeyourattachmentstyle,butyoucanworktobemoresecure.Oneofthebestwaystocombatyouranxiousattachmentiswithcommunication. Thosewithinsecureattachmentstylesmayfindthisparticularlychallenging.Soworkingwithatherapistorarelationshipcounselorthroughthesementalhealthissuescanhelp. KnowingYourAttachmentStyleforaBetterYou Asanadult,youcan’tgobackandchangethepastofyourchildhood.Butyoucaninformyourselfonhowyourchildhoodexperiencesaffectyouradultlife.Oneofthebestwaysisbyknowinghowyoubehaveininterpersonalrelationships. Learningaboutyourtypeofattachmentcanhelpyouhaveabetterunderstandingofyourself. Youcan’tcontrolwhetheryouhavesecureattachmentorapreoccupiedattachmentstyle.Butyoucanunderstandwhatitmeansforyourrelationships. Ahealthyrelationshipstartswithunderstandingyourself.Notsurewhichattachmentstyleyouhave?Takethisattachmentstylequiztofindout. ModernIntimacyisagrouptherapypractice,foundedbyrenownedPsychologistandSexTherapist,Dr.KateBalestrieri.Thisinclusiveblogisdesignedtoprovideawealthofinformationandresourcesformentalhealth,relationships,andsexuality.Subscribetodaytogetthelatestinformationfromourexpertcontributorsfromallaroundtheworld. FOLLOW Searchfor: Subscribe JoinOurNewsletter Success!Pleasecheckyouremailtoconfirmyoursubscription! Email Subscribe AuthorBio Dr.KateBalestrieri Dr.KateBalestrieriisaLicensedPsychologist(CA,FL,IL+NY),CertifiedSexTherapist,CertifiedSexAddictionTherapist,andPACTIIItrainedCouplesTherapist.SheistheFounderofModernIntimacy. 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