Stay-at-home moms are not OK - Motherly

In the 2022 State of Motherhood survey, stay at home moms are burnt out, and reported higher levels of burnout than their working mom ... InThisArticle Sex andthestay-at-homemom Expandingfamily Mombeingtheprimarycaretaker Thephrase“stay-at-homemom”hasbecomemoreliteralthanever Doesworkingpart-orfull-timebenefitamother’smentalhealth? TheCovidpandemichastaughtusasasocietysomuch:we’velearnedaboutpublichealthandsafety;we’veseenhowisolationaffectsmentalhealth;we’veexperiencedthedirectimpactofsupplychainissues;andthoseofuswhodidn’talreadyrealizejusthowmuchworkstay-at-homemomsdogottoseefirsthand.(It’salot.)  OurfifthannualStateofMotherhoodsurveyfoundthatmillennialandGenZSAHMsarefeelingmoreworndownthanever,andstay-at-homemomsactuallyreportedhigherlevelsofburnoutthanworkingmoms. Outofthe17,000peoplewhotookthesurvey,55%ofSAHMsadmittedthey“always”or“frequently”feelburntout,whichisamuchlargerpercentagethantheirworkingcounterparts(11%and38%,respectively). Thatfeelinghasresultednegativelyinmanyaspectsoflife. Sex andthestay-at-homemom GenZandMillennialmomswhofeelburnedoutfrequentlyarehavinglesssexandarelesssatisfiedwiththeirsexlife—38%ofmomswhoreportfeelingfrequentlyburnedoutarehavingsex1-2timespermonth. Expandingfamily Thisyear’ssurveyshowsthelargestpercentageeverofmomswhosaytheydon’twanttohavemorekids.Bothworkingandstay-at-homemomsfeltthissentiment;however,ofthosewhosaidtheydon’twanttobepregnantagain,38%ofthemareunemployed,and27%ofthosewhoareunsureiftheywantmorekidsareunemployed. Sowhatcouldbecausingthisincreasedfeelingofburnout?  Mombeingtheprimarycaretaker BeingaSAHMshouldnotmeanallthecaretakingfallsonyourshoulders.Inthisyear’ssurvey,71%ofGenZandmillennialmomsrespondedthattheyfelt“satisfied”or“verysatisfied”withtheirchildcaresituationwhentheywereabletooutsourceit,and42%ofSAHMsreportthey’re“dissatisfied”or“verydissatisfied”withtheirownchildcaresituation.Ontheflipside,51%ofnon-employedmomssay“morehelp”wouldimprovetheirpositivefeelingsaroundmotherhood. “OntheweekswheneverythingworksoutwithgettinghelpI’mabettermom,I’mmorepatientandforgiving,myfuseislongerandtolerancehigher,”IbisT.tellsMotherly.“Idon’trelyonscreentimeforhelpandsomykidsbenefittenfold!” “Childcare,ofcourse,wouldbeaveryimpactfulsolutiontoburnout,butthat'sthecruxoftheproblemformanystay-at-homemoms:Werarelyutilizeoutsourcedchildcare,whetherit'sbecauseoffinancialrestraintsorbecausewefeellikewedon't‘deserve’childcarebecausewe'renotearninganincomeforourfamily,”explainsKelseyLucas,founderof @motherspeakandaco-founder of@chamberofmothers.“Sowhilestay-at-homemomsneedanddeservetohaveaccesstoregularchildcare—forallthesamereasonsthatemployeesintheworkforcedeservetocomehomeatnightandsleep,orgetafewdaysoffperweek—societydoesn'tyetvaluemotheringinthesameway.” Asidefromoutsourcedchildcare,manySAHMswouldbenefitfromabettersplitofhouseholddutieswiththeirpartner.Whenaskedwhatwouldmostdecreasetheirfeelingsofburnout,22%ofnon-employedmotherssaid“culturalshiftaroundtheexpectationthatwomen‘doitall.’” Thephrase“stay-at-homemom”hasbecomemoreliteralthanever SureSAHMstakecareofthehousehold,butthosewithaninfantand/ortoddlerrelyonthingslikeplaydates,activities,andchild-friendlyappointmentsinordertostaysane.Thoughsomeofthosethingshavereopenedin2021,noteveryonefeelscomfortablebringingtheirlittleoneoutinpublic(andmanymedicalofficesdon’tallowthepatienttobringtheirkiddo).   JesW.stayedathomeforninemonthsbetween2017-18,andagainduringthepandemic;however,thesecondstintcamewithahigherfeelingofburnout.“Forsomuchofthattimethethingsthatmadeitfeelmorevariedandsupportive(librarytimes,classes,visitingindoors,co-ops,mom-kidexerciseclasses,etcbasicallywerealloffthetable,”shetellsMotherly.“AndIcouldn’ttakekidstodocappointmentsorotherpublicplacesIcouldbefore,sothechiropractor-with-toddlervisitsthatIdidweekly[before]weren’tavailable.” Inadditiontolesssocialactivities,thepandemichasalsohinderedsocialinteraction,period.Whenaskedwhathascontributedmosttotheirfeelingofburnout,24%ofnon-employedmotherssaid“novillagetocallupon/lackofsupportfromlocalcommunity.” Doesworkingpart-orfull-timebenefitamother’smentalhealth? ThoughIbisT.believesbeingaSAHMiswhat’sbestforherfamily,shestillthinksbackfondlyathercareerbeforekids.“Ioftencravemyprofessionalselfwhocouldholdittogetherandnotfeelonedgeallday.LookingbackIwasreallygoodatmyjob,whichboostedmyselfconfidenceandmyenergy,”shesays.“And,IknowI’magoodmom,butitdoesn’talwaysfeellikeitsincethetargetisconstantlymoving(hellothreenagerenergy!),notfeelingconfidentatyourworkeverydaybecauseyoursupervisors(they’re3and5)don’tlikethewayyoudothingsisprettydemoralizingafterawhile.Itdefinitelymakesmequestionmyworthandcontributionstothegreatergood.”  Othermomsagree,butwithoutuniversalpre-Kandsubsidizedchildcare,thatoptionjustdoesn’tmakesensefinancially.“Part-timewouldbenicetogivemeasenseofidentityoutsideofmotherhood.Ifeellikemysenseofselfissotiedtothatroleandit’swhoIamtoothers,”admitsJennaB.“However,IhavenoideahowI’dfitthatin,especiallysinceapart-timesalarywouldn’tcoverthenecessarychildcaretomakeitworthdoing.” Related:Whyischildcaresoexpensivewhenchildcareworkersmakesolittle? Therearesomanyfactorsthatcontributetoanindividual’sself-worthandmentalhealth,andthat’sdifferentforeveryone,butthere’sonethingthat’suniversallytrue:Ittakesavillage,andSAHMsneedtheirsnowmorethanever. MethodologyStatement MotherlydesignedandadministeredthissurveythroughMotherly’ssubscriberslist,socialmediaandpartnerchannels,resultinginmorethan17,000responsescreatingaclean,unweightedbaseof10,001responses.ThisreportfocusesontheGenXcohortof1197respondents,millennialcohortof8,558respondents,andaGenZcohortof246respondents.EdgeResearchweightedthedatatoreflecttheracialandethniccompositionoftheUSfemalemillennialcohortbasedonUSCensusdata. RelatedStories Viral&Trending ‘WrenEleanor’TikTokcontroversyinspiresmomseverywheretoremovekidsfromsocialmedia News Whatageshouldakidgetaphone?*This*istheidealage,accordingtoanewpoll News NewstudyshowsjusthowfinanciallydevastatingunpaidmaternityleaveisforUSfamilies Weusecookiestoensurethatwegiveyouthebestexperienceonourwebsite.Ifyoucontinuetousethissitewewillassumethatyouarehappywithit.Ok