Anxious Attachment Style Guide: Causes & Symptoms

The development of an anxious/preoccupied attachment style (referred to as anxious ambivalent in children) is often associated with an ... Workbooks ForAllStyles Attachment&Bonding throughBodynamic Boundaries LearnEnergyManagement EmotionalAlchemy RestoreYourInnerBalance BalanceAttachmentRelationships FacilitatedbyLeadingExperts ApplyNow Workbooks Attachment&Bonding Boundaries EmotionalAlchemy BalanceAttachmentRelationships AnxiousAttachment Howdoesitdevelopinchildhood? AvoidantAttachment Whataresymptomsinadultrelationships? DisorganizedAttachment Whatisitliketodateadisorganizedadult? SecureAttachment The5conditionsforsecureattachment AnxiousAttachment AvoidantAttachment DisorganizedAttachment SecureAttachment AnxiousAttachment:Causes&Symptoms PublishedonJuly2,2020 UpdatedonSeptember12,2022 Anxiousattachmentisoneofthethreeinsecureattachmentstyles.Referredtoasanxiousambivalentattachmentinchildren,anxiousattachmentdevelopsinearlychildhood.Mostoften,anxiousattachmentisduetomisattunedandinconsistentparenting. Lowself-esteem,strongfearofrejectionorabandonment,andclinginessinrelationshipsarecommonsignsofthisattachmentstyle.Althoughitdoesrequireeffort,individualswithsuchattachmentissuescandevelopasecureattachmentstyleovertime. Wewillcoverthemostcommonquestionsaroundanxiousattachment: Howdoesattachmentforminearlychildhood?Howdochildrendevelopinsecureattachmentstyles?Whatspecificallycausesanxiousattachmentinchildren?Whichchildrenhaveahigherriskofdevelopinganxiousattachment?Whatarerelationshipswithanxiousadultslike?Canyouchangeananxiousattachmentstyle?Howtohealfromanxiousattachment? Everythingyouneedtoknowaboutanxiousattachment Appreciation,attention,andsupport.Manyofuscravethat.Wewanttobeloved,wewanttofeelsecure,valued,andappreciated.Noonelikestobeleftoutinthecold.Itisnormaltoseekapproval,help,andemotionalresponsivenessfromyourfamily,friends,andpartners. Itisalsonormaltofearlosingsomeone’slove.Butwhatiftheseneedsandfearsbecometoostrong?Cantheneedforsafetyandthefearofabandonmentbesopowerfulthattheycontrolyourrelationships?Itmightnotalwaysbeeasytorecognizeaninsecureattachmentstyleinadults. Patternsinsocialrelationshipsmightbeinconsistentorbarelynoticeable.Thereare,however,particularsignsthathinteachtypeofattachment.TheQ&Abelowwillguideyouthroughunderstandingwhatcausesthedevelopmentoftheanxiousattachmentstyle,howyoucanspotitinyourself(andothers),andwhattodoaboutit. First,ashortintroonattachmenttheory Let’slookatattachmenttheory,whichdatesbacktothe1950’s. AccordingtopsychiatristandpsychoanalystJohnBowlby,achild’searlyrelationshipwiththeircaregiversformsthewaythischildwillapproachsocialinteractionsandrelationshipsthroughoutlife. Theconceptisrelativelyeasytograsp.Whenababyisborn,thefirstsocialbondtheyencounteriswiththecaregivers(inmostcases,parents).Thisiswhenthechild’sbrainstartstoformaperceptionofsocialinteractions. Ifthechildisbroughtupinawarmandnurturingenvironment,wherethecaregiversareresponsivetothechild’semotionalneeds,asecurebond(referredtoassecureattachment) isformed. Thechildistaught,indirectly,thathisorheremotionsandneedswillberecognized,thatheorshewillbesupportedandloved,andthatpeople,ingeneral,canbetrusted. Onthecontrary,whenachildperceivesthathisorherneedsarenotmet,thechildisnotabletobuildasecureandstablebondwiththecaregivers. Thisleadstoadistortedperceptionofhowrelationshipswork. Therearethreetypesofinsecureattachmentinadults: Anxious(alsoknownaspreoccupied)Avoidant(alsoknownasdismissive)Disorganized(alsoknownasfearful-avoidant) Whatcausesanxiousattachmentstyleinchildhood? Thedevelopmentofananxious/preoccupiedattachmentstyle(referredtoasanxiousambivalentinchildren)isoftenassociatedwithaninconsistentparentingpattern. Sometimes,theparentswillbesupportiveandresponsivetothechild’sneeds.Atothertimes,theywillbemisattunedtothechild. Thisinconsistencymightmakeitdifficultforthechildtounderstandwhattheparents’behaviormeansandwhatkindofresponsetoexpectinthefuture.Thechildmightendupconfusedabouthisorherrelationshipwiththecaregivers,whosebehaviorsendsmixedsignals. Anotherfactorthatislinkedtothedevelopmentofananxiousambivalentattachmentstyleinchildrenistheso-called“emotionalhunger”ofthecaregivers. Inthatcase,thecaregiverswouldseekemotional/physicalclosenesswiththechildreninordertosatisfytheirownneeds,ratherthantheirchildren’s. Suchparentsmightappearintrusiveorover-protective.Theymightusethechildtosatiatetheirown‘hunger’forlove,ortopresenttheirownselvesinacertainlight(forexample,astheperfectparent). Itshouldbenotedthatraisingachildinsuchamannermightalsobeanautomaticandunrealizedpatterninadultswhowereraisedthesameway. Caregivers,whosechilddevelopsanambivalentattachmentstyle,arelikelytohaveananxiousattachmentstylethemselves.Andthisisnotaboutgenetics,butaboutthecontinuityofbehavioralpatternsthroughoutgenerations. Don’tknowyourattachmentstyle? Takeourshort5minutequiztofindoutnow.It’scompletelyfree. Whichchildrenhaveahigherriskofdevelopinganxious(ambivalent)attachment? Thepreviousparagraphprovidesanoverviewofwhatcaregiverbehaviorsmightthreatenthechild’sabilitytoformasecureattachmentstyle. Inconsistentresponsivenesstoachild’semotionalneeds,misattunementandemotionaldistance,aswellaspreoccupationwithandintrusivenessinthechild’slife,aresomeoftheriskfactorsforthedevelopmentofanambivalentattachmentstyleinchildren. Inadditiontothat,thereareafewlesscommonriskfactors,suchas: PhysicalorpsychologicalabuseEarlyseparationfromthecaregiver [Itisessentialtonotethathavinganinsecureattachmentstyleisnotamentaldiseaseordisorder.Itiscommonamongadults,andinmostcases,isnothingtoworryabout.Still,havinganunstable/insecureattachmentstylecancausedistress,orharmrelationships.] Symptomsofhavingananxiousattachmentstyleasanadult Howtorecognizeapersonwithananxiousattachmentstyle?Adultswithananxious/preoccupiedattachmentstylemightthinkhighlyofothersbutoftensufferfromlowself-esteem. Theseindividualsaresensitiveandattunedtotheirpartners’needs,butareofteninsecureandanxiousabouttheirownworthinarelationship. Ifthelovedonerejectsthemorfailstorespondtotheirneeds,theymightblamethemselvesorlabelthemselvesasnotbeingworthyoflove. Generally,adultswithanxiousattachmentneedconstantreassurancethattheyareloved,worthy,andgoodenough. Thestrongfearofabandonmentmightoftencauseanxiousadultstobeintenselyjealousorsuspiciousoftheirpartners. Thisfearmightalsoleadthemtobecomedesperate,clingy,andpreoccupiedwiththeirrelationships.Adultswithananxiousattachmentstyleareoftenafraidoforevenincapableofbeingalone. Theyseekintimacyandclosenessandarehighlyemotionalanddependentonothers.Thepresenceofthelovedoneappearstobearemedyfortheirstrongemotionalneeds. Anxiousattachmentstyleinrelationships Havinganinsecureattachmentstylecanbetiring.Itcouldfeellikeyouareonanemotionalroller-coasterallthetime. Itmightcauseanxiety,stress,unhappiness,andlowlifesatisfaction.Whenitcomestoadultswithanxiousattachmentstyles,relationshipsmightbeboth‘life-saving’and‘life-threatening’. Ontheonehand,thefearofbeingaloneorbeingrejectedisthepoison–adisturbingfeeling,whichleadstoconstantdoubtandworry.Ontheotherhand,thepresenceofthelovedone,andmoreimportantly,theirdemonstrationofaffectionistheremedy. Furthermore,ananxiousindividualmightbeinsecureaboutwheretheystandinarelationshipandwhethertheirpartnerlovesthemasmuchastheydoinreturn.Consequently,theslightestdisappointmentorsignofrejectionfromthepartnercouldbeharmfultothealreadylowself-esteem.  Werecommendyoualsoreadourcompleteguideonanxiousattachmentinrelationshipsandarticlesonhowanxiousattachmentaffectsyouinthebedroomandintheworkplace. Canyouchangeyourattachmentstyleandhow? Luckily,attachmentstylescanchange.Sometimes,thechangecanhappenbyitself:arelationshipwithasecurelyattachedindividualcouldfacilitateemotionalclosenessandasenseofcalmnessandstability. Thisnewexperiencecanleadtoashiftinperceptionandtonewhabitsandpatterns.Othertimes,youmightneedtoworkharderonyourattachmentstyle.Youcannotchangeyourpast,butyoucanchangethepresent. Onekeytohealinganinsecureattachmentstyleistomakesenseofthewayyouinteractwithyourlovedones,especiallywithyourpartner.Recognizingyourbehavioralpatternsinrelationshipsandbeingmindfulofthemwillmaketheissueeasiertosolve.Self-reflectionisimportant.Analyzingandmakingsenseofyourchildhoodexperiencesisalsoanessentialstep. Realizingthatpastexperiencesdonothavetoaffectand/orpredictthepresentandthefuturewillmakeiteasiertobreakfreefromestablishedbehavioralpatternsandhabits. Obviously,workingwithatherapistonthispatternwouldpotentiallybethemostbeneficialwaytomoveforwardwithearningsecureattachment.Weareofferingattachmentrepairgroupsand onlinecourses foryoutomoveforward. Eitherway,ifyouwanttochangeyourattachmentstyle,youneedtoputeffortinit.Whetheryouareworkingthroughitwithaclosefriend,atherapist,orabook,consistencyandeffortarefundamental. Ifyouprefertogotherouteofaworkbook,werecentlyreleasedourfirstseriesofattachmentstyledigitalworkbooks. Ouranxiousattachmentstyledigitalworkbookincludes: 204pagesand28practicalexercisesHowanxiousattachmentaffectsyouinover10differentareasoflife8casestudiesonanxiousattachmentGroundbreakingandup-to-dateresearchonanxiousattachmentSectionrecapsandareasforreflection ViewAnxiousWorkbook EmpoweryourInstagramfeed Ifyoulikedthispostandwanttolearnmoreaboutattachmenttheory,thenwerecommendfollowingTheAttachmentProjectonInstagram.Weaimtohelpyoumakesenseofyourattachmentstyleinvariouscontextsofyourlife. ViewthispostonInstagram ViewthispostonInstagram ViewthispostonInstagram Sources: Ainsworth,MD,Bell,SM.(1970).Attachment,exploration,andseparation:Illustratedbythebehaviorofone-year-oldsinastrangesituation.ChildDevelopment,41(1),49-67. BowlbyJ.(1958).Thenatureofthechild’stietohismother.InternationalJournalofPsychoanalysis,39,350-371. BowlbyJ.(1982).AttachmentandLoss:Volume1Attachment.2nded.NewYork:BasicBooks. Mikulincer,M.,Shaver,P.R.(2007).AttachmentinAdulthood:Structure,Dynamics,andChange.GuilfordPress. RelatedArticles AttachmentTheory HowDoesAnxiousAmbivalentAttachmentDevelopinChildren? 25May2021 Anxiousambivalentattachmenttypicallydevelopsinchildrenwhosecaregivermayhaveactednurturingandresponsiveoneminuteandunavailableorinsensitivethenext. AttachmentTheory SelfRegulationStrategiesforAnxiousAttachmentTriggers 23Jul2021 Understandinghowtoselfregulateouremotionsandactionsisanessentialskilltodevelop.Ifyouareworkingtowards“earnedsecureattachment”,thinkofthisasamilestoneonthatpath. AttachmentTheory TheSuperpowersofAnxiousPreoccupiedAttachment 16Aug2021 Practicingpositivepsychologycanhelpyoutobuilduponyourstrengths,increaseyourself-esteem,andimproveyourrelationships. Getmentalhealthtipsstraighttoyourinbox Iwouldliketosignupforthenewsletter Iagreewithtermsandconditionsandprivacypolicy Δ Thiswebsiteusescookiestoimproveyourexperience.We’llassumeyou’reokwiththis,butyoucanopt-outifyouwish. ACCEPT