SUSAN NEUMAN: Your child is probably chaffing somewhat from being scolded. That’s natural. No one likes to feel like they』ve donesomething wrong. It’s going to take abit of time to build your child’s self-confidence again. Think about ways that you can make the musicclass fun for your child. For example,you might say, 「Remember when you were in class and you had so much fun playingmusic. Tell me about it?」「Or tell me about your favorite friend inyour music class. What do you like to dotogether.」 In this way you are replacinga bad memory with good ones.

蘇珊教授：由於受到訓斥，您的孩子多少會受到一些影響。

這是很正常的現象。

沒有人會願意被別人否定他自己的事情即使這件事情是他做錯了。

重新建立自信對於孩子來講需要花一些時間，引導孩子多去發覺課程中有趣的地方。

比如，您可以這樣問孩子：「記得你上形體課的時候很開心的對不對？和我說說課上有趣的事。

或者說說你去上形體課時有沒有結識好朋友？你們會在一起做什麼有趣的事情？」這種辦法的目的是用新的記憶去置換掉孩子心中不好的記憶。

問題2

兒子現在三歲了，家長說的話從來沒有聽過。

讓他往東他就往西，不讓動的東西非要動，不讓吃的東西非要吃。

不依著就開始在地上打滾，跟他講道理也不聽，打他屁股也沒有用。

有時鬧急了就不理他，任由他鬧，可是這樣下去總不是辦法。

這麼小就學會任性，不服管教，長大可怎麼辦呀，有什麼辦法嗎？

SUSAN NEUMAN: Your child is most likely trying to assert his ownpersonality. This is just natural forhis age, and while it may exasperate you at times, you want to have him developand become a self-confident young person. Negatives usually don』t work. Andspanking never works. Try to give yourchild choices. For example, say: Which would you like to eat: A or B. If he touches something that is fragile, give him some other optionslike something soft and cuddly that he can enjoy. He wants your attention. Give it to him in a positive way.

蘇珊教授：您的孩子大概是想盡力堅持自己的個性。

在他這個年紀是很正常的現象，但是他的行為可能使你特別憤怒，你會想讓成為一個自信的小大人。

否定他的行為或者打他這些行為看起來都沒有起到作用。

嘗試給孩子一些選擇，比如：「你想吃什麼？A還是B？」如果他去嘗試觸碰一些易碎的物品，嘗試提供他一些別的選擇，像一些柔軟又可以抱著玩的物品。

他其實只是想博得更多家長的關注而已，儘可能多的給予孩子正面的引導。

問題3

兒子四歲了，平時有點怕生，見到生人會抱緊大人。

有次帶他玩滑梯，當時有很多小朋友，當他想爬上去的時候，後面的小朋友也跟在後面，他就指著滑梯讓別人先上，連續幾次都是這樣，直到我讓他上去玩，而且後面沒有小朋友了他才敢上去，不知道這樣算懂禮貌還是叫軟弱，以後這樣會不會被人欺負呢？應該怎麼教育他呢？

SUSAN NEUMAN: Shyness is just a lack of confidence. He is just learning his way about the world. Be careful not to push him too hard. When he begins to feel more confidence, he will take on more assertiveness. But you can』t rush it. Try taking him to the playground regularly, and have him use the slide again and again, until he feels like he has mastered it. Then go to the park when it's a little bit busier. I think he will play with greater confidence over time.

蘇珊教授：害羞實則是一種沒有自信的表現。

孩子只是剛剛開始探索這個世界，記得不要過於強迫。

當他對於自己更有自信的時候他就會表現得更有魄力。

家長切忌過於急躁，儘可能多的帶孩子多去多嘗試滑梯，不斷地重複直到他覺得對於滑梯這個遊戲他已經駕輕就熟。

之後再去嘗試帶孩子在人多的時候去公園滑滑梯，那時他應該就會更有自信的一起去參與。

問題4

孩子五歲了，似乎有點暴力，在和小朋友一起玩的時候會出現推人事件，我教育過他了，可是這孩子屢教不改，說一套做一套，該出手的時候他還是會出手推人。

我該怎麼辦？

SUSAN NEUMAN: Pushing other children is not acceptable. You should let him know that it could hurt someone, and that would make him sad. If he continues to push someone, you should immediately stop the activity and go home. He will get the message that if he wants to continue to play, he cannot push others around.

蘇珊教授：推倒小朋友這種行為是不可取的。

你要讓孩子知道這種行為會傷害到他人，也會讓被推倒的小朋友很傷心。

如果他繼續這種推人的行為，家長需要立即制止這種行為並且帶孩子離開現場回到家裡。

他可以理解到這樣的信息，如果他想繼續玩耍，他則不可以繼續去推身邊的小朋友。

問題5

我家孩子馬上就六歲了，可總是丟三落四的，不知道珍惜自己的玩具，帶出去的東西，十次有九次都忘記帶回來，這該怎麼辦？

SUSAN NEUMAN: Try organizing his environment very carefully. For example, some people put a picture of an object like a toy on a bookshelf. When the child has finished playing with the toy, the toy returns to exactly where the picture has placed it. It is an important skill to learn self-regulation.

The other thing to do is to have few toys available at any one time. Then, as a team, say to your child, 「Let’s put our toys away. Tell me where should we put this toy? Is there where we found it before.」 Make it a game, and your child will learn how to organize his environment better.

蘇珊教授：仔細整理他的玩具區域。

舉個例子，有些人會放一些玩具的圖片在書架上，孩子玩完玩具會把玩具歸還到圖片處，這是一種很重要的自我規範能力的訓練。

另外一個辦法則是，一次只拿出一定數量的玩具，以遊戲的形式，問問小朋友是否記得我們的玩具從哪裡拿的，我們應該把玩具放回到哪裡？這種方式可以幫助小朋友更好的整理他的玩具區。

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