Fearful Avoidant Attachment - Causes, Traits & How To ...

Fearful avoidant attachment style in adulthood is an insecure attachment style associated with disorganized attachment style in childhood. SkiptoContent |Attachmenttheory|Thetwodimensionsinattachment|Howfearfulavoidantattachmentdevelops|Signsinadults|Signsinparents|Linktoborderlinepersonalitydisorder|Healing| WhatIsFearfulAvoidantAttachment Fearfulavoidantattachmentstyleinadulthoodisaninsecureattachmentstyleassociatedwithdisorganizedattachmentstyleinchildhood.Fearfulattachmentstylesischaracterizedbyone’snegativeviewofthemselvesandtheirinabilitytogetclosetoothers.Theytendtohaveworseoutcomesthantheotherthreeattachmentstylesandareusuallylinkedtochildhoodtrauma. Fearfuladultshavenegativeviewsofthemselvesandothers.Theyarehighlydependentonothers’approvalandaffirmation.Theyarehighlyanxiousandhaveastrongdesireforcloseness,buttheyavoidintimacyduetotheirnegativeexpectationsandfearofrejection​1​. AttachmentTheory Attachmentisaninfant’spredispositiontoformastrongemotionalbondwiththeirprimarycaregiverandstayclosetothemforsurvival. Attachmentstylesarebehavioralpatternsformedthroughinteractionswiththeseattachmentfigures.Theseearlyexperiencesaffectachild’sbehaviorandfuturerelationshipswithothersinpowerfulways​2​. JohnBowlby&MaryAinsworthattachmenttheorystatesthatchildrenwithdifferentattachmentsdevelopdifferentinternalworkingmodelswhichrepresenthowtheyviewthemselves,others,andtherelationshipswiththem.Thefourattachmentstylesinchildrenare: SecureattachmentAmbivalentattachmentAvoidantattachmentDisorganizedattachment Later,socialpsychologistsPhillipShaverandCindyHazanproposedthreeparallelattachmentstylesinadults–secure,anxious,andavoidant.Thesestylesarethegrown-upversionsofinfantstyles.Itisbelievedthatanadult’sattachmentinfluenceshowtheyviewtheworldandinteractwiththeirpartnersinintimaterelationships. TheTwoDimensionsInAdultAttachmentStyles In1990,Bartholomewextendedthetypologyofattachmentinadultsintofourcategoriesbasedontwodimensions–avoidanceandanxiety​3​. Theanxietydimensionmeasureshowpositiveornegativeone’sviewofthemselvesis.Theavoidancedimensionrepresentstheextenttowhichtheirviewofothersispositiveornegative.Lowlevelsonbothdimensionsindicateahigherlevelofattachmentsecurity. Secureattachmentstyle Securepeopletendtohavelowlevelsofanxietyandavoidance.Thosewithsecureattachmentshaveapositiveviewofthemselvesandothers.Theyfeelsafetoformsecurerelationshipswiththeirattachmentfiguresorromanticpartners. Thisistheonlysecureattachmentamongthefourattachments.Alloftheremainingstylesbelowareinsecurestyles. Anxiousattachmentstyle Peoplewithanxiousattachmentstyle,oranxious-preoccupiedattachmentstyle,havehighanxietybutlowavoidance. Theseindividualsyearntobeloved.Theywantintimateconnectionsandthereforetheyhavelowavoidance.However,theyalsoviewthemselvesnegativelyresultinginhighanxiety.Anxiousadultswanttobeloved,butdon’tbelievetheyarelovable. Dismissiveavoidantattachmentstyle Dismissiveavoidantsarehighonavoidancebecausetheyhaveanegativeviewofothers.Buttheyviewthemselvespositivelywithlowanxiety. Suchanindividualtendstokeepadistanceevenincloserelationships.Theyareunwillingtoprovidesupporttoclosefriendsorpartnersintimesofdistressanddismissthosewhoseeksupportfromthemasweak,emotionallyunstable,orimmature​4​. Fearfulavoidantattachmentstyle Thisisanotheravoidantstyle.Peoplewithfearful-avoidantattachmentstyleshavehighanxietyandhighavoidance.Theyviewboththemselvesandothersnegatively. Ononehand,theywanttobelovedbutthinkthattheyareunlovableduetotheirlowself-worth.Ontheotherhand,theyareafraidofothersandwanttoavoidthem. AlsoSee:FearfulAvoidantvsDismissiveAvoidantAttachmentStyles HowFearfulAvoidantAttachmentDevelops A20-yearlongitudinalstudyfoundthat72%ofyoungadultsretainedtheirchildhoodattachmentstyle​[NO_PRINTED_FORM]​. Althoughitisnotknownexactlywhatmakesfearful-avoidantattachmentdevelop,studieshavefoundthatsomefearfulavoidantadultsaregrown-upversionsofchildrenwithdisorganizedattachment. Disorganizedattachmentisaninsecureattachmentstyleinchildren.Ittendstodevelopininfantswithparentswhoareabusiveorneglectful​5​.Thecaregiver’sbehaviortendedtobepunitiveandmalevolent.Childrencouldbepunishedorthreatenedbytheirattachmentfigurewhentheytrytoseekcomfortduringtimesofdistress. Becauseofthescaryparentalbehavior,theinfantdevelopsafearoftheirparent.Thechildtriestoavoidtheminsteadofviewingthemasasecurebase.Theyhavepoorself-regulationbecausetheydon’thaveanorganizedstrategytodealwithstressorregulateemotions. Disorganizedinfantsmakeupapproximately19%ofthoseseenintheStrangeSituation.DuringtheStrangeSituation,disorganizedinfantsactfearfully,conflicted,disorganized,apprehensively,disoriented,andinotherwaysoddlywiththeirattachmentfigureswhentheyreunite​6​. Theparentsofdisorganizedchildrengenerallyhaveunresolvedtraumafromtheirownchildhoodtraumaticexperiences.Theseparentsarelikelydepressed,disturbed,neglectful,abusive,oralcoholicinsomeway.Ayoungchildwhogrowsupwithanalcoholicparentisfourtimesaslikelytodevelopfearfulavoidantattachment​3​whentheygrowup. SignsofFearfulAvoidantAttachmentStyleinAdults Fearfulavoidantshavethefollowingcharacteristicsinadults: Genderdifference Researchershavefoundthatwomenhaveahigherlikelihoodofdevelopingafearfulavoidantattachmentpatternthanmen​7​. Highlevelsofavoidance Theseadultsarehighinavoidance. Theyfearclosenesstotheirpartnersandavoidthembecauseofthepossibilityofrejection.Theydon’tfeelcomfortablegettingclosetoothers.Avoidantadultsworryaboutbeinghurtiftheyallowthemselvestobecometooclosetoothers.Theyfinditdifficulttotrustordependonotherscompletely.  Highlevelsofanxiety Despitenotwantingtoincreasecloseness,avoidantadultsdesiretogettheiremotionalneedsmetinaromanticrelationship.Theyareanxiousbecausetheyviewthemselvesasundeservingtheloveandsupportofothers. Themixedofavoidanceandanxietystrategymakesfearful-avoidantpeopleconfusedanddisoriented,andtheydisplayuncertainbehaviorwiththeirpartnersasaresult.Theyareusuallylesstrustingandmoretroubledbecausetheyhaverelativelynegativemodelsofthemselvesandothers. Mostdistressedandleasthealthy Thefearful-avoidantlyattachedtendstohavelowself-esteem(lowestamongalltheattachmenttypes).Theyaretheleasttrusting,theleastassertive,andhavemorenegativeemotions. Lesssupportseekingandlesscare-giving Theirownfearofintimacyleadstolesssupport-seekingintimesofneed.Theyarealsolesslikelytosupport theirlovedones.Intherarecasethattheydoextendsupporttomeetsocialobligationsorreceivefavorsandbenefits,thehelptheygiveisoftenprovidedfroma distance​8​. Deactivatingattachmentstrategies Fearfulavoidantsoften“deactivate”theirattachmentsystemsasaresultofrepeatedrejectionsbyothers​9​.Whentheyareindistress,theydeactivatetheirattachmentbehavior.Consequently,themoreupsettheirromanticpartneris,thelesslikelyafearful-avoidantadultistooffercomfortandsupport​10​. Theseadultsareuncomfortablewiththedistressofothers.Theyfailtorecognizeothers’distressorempathizewithitbecauseotherwise,theycannotkeeptheirownattachmentsystemdeactivated​11​. Difficultyinhandlingloss Althoughfearfulavoidantadultsarelesssupportiveandaffectionate,theystillhaveahardtimeadjustingtolossbecausetheyarehighlyanxiousaboutattachments​12​. Abusiverelationships Fearfuladultsaremorelikelytobeinvolvedinabusiverelationships,astheabusersorthevictims. Researchershavefoundastrongcorrelationbetweenabusivenessandadultattachmentinmenwithfearful-avoidantattachments.Thesementendtosufferfromchronicangerwithstrongemotionalreactionsleadingtoviolencetowardtheirpartnerswhentheyexperienceafearofabandonment​13​. Afearful-avoidantpersonexperiencesanxietyoverrejection,whichiswhyfearfulwomeninabusiverelationshipshaveahardtimeleavinganunhealthyrelationship​14​. SignsofFearfulAvoidantAttachmentStyleinParents Lesslikelytobeparents Theygenerallydonotliketobecomecaregivers​4​. Becausetheyhavedifficultyprovidingemotionalsupporttoothers,whentheydobecomeparents,theyalsohavedifficultyprovidingsupportivecaretotheirchildren. Hostileparentingstyle Iftheybecomeparents,avoidantparentstendtohaveamorehostileparentingstylethanthosewithasecureattachmenttype.Theytendtoadvocateharsherdisciplinarymethodsforyoungkids. Fearful-avoidantparentsareemotionallyunaccepting.Theyexpecttheirchildrentobeindependentandlessaffectionate. Detachedanddistant Avoidantparentsarelesswarmandsupportivewiththeirchildren.Theyalsofeellessemotionallyattachedtothem​15​.Theykeepadistancefromtheirchildreninemotionalsituations. Morestressful,lessrewarding Theseindividualsarelesslikelytofeelconfidentintheirabilitytoparent.Theyfindparentingtobemorestressful,lessmeaningful,andlessrewarding​4​. PurportedLinkToBorderlinePersonalityDisorders Borderlinepersonalitydisorder(BPD)isadebilitatingmentalillnesscharacterizedbychaoticanddramaticrelationships,emotionalinstability,poorimpulsecontrol,angeroutbursts,dissociativesymptoms,aswellassuicidalbehaviors.  HavingapartnerwithBPDcansometimesfeellikeridinganemotionalrollercoaster. Buthavingfearful-avoidantattachmentdoesnotautomaticallymeanonehasBPD.AlthoughsomestudiesfoundthatBPDwasassociatedwithfearfulavoidantattachmentandpreoccupiedattachment,a2005researchreviewedninestudiesonthistopicanddeterminedthatwasnotentirelythecase. Severalstudieshavefoundthatthisassociationisnothigherthanotherpsychiatricdisorders​16​. HealingFearfulAvoidantAttachment Youmightbediscouragedtoreadallthesymptomsandrelatedoutcomesifyouareanavoidantadultlookingforasolution.However,thosearejuststatistics. Youdon’thavetobepartofthosestatistics. Healingbeginswithunderstandingwhereyourattachmentcomesfromandwhyyouactthewayyoudo. Fearfullyavoidantadultsmay wanttoseekintimacy,butatthesametimeavoidcloseconnectionsbecausetheydonottrusttheirpartners,orbecausetheyfearrejectionduetonegativeself-regard.sometimesactconfused,disoriented,andunpredictablewithromanticpartnersduetothemixedintentions.cannotregulatetheiremotionswell.haverockyrelationshipsandarehardtoconnectwith. Thegoodnewsis,understandingtheproblem’srootandhavingself-awarenessarehalfthebattlewon. Peoplewhoselivesareaffectedadverselybytheirearlychildhoodexperiencesshouldseekprofessionalhelpasthefirststep. Keepinmindthattheymayexperiencemoreproblemsinmentalhealthtreatmentsuchastherapybecausetheymaynotfeelsecureconnectingwiththetherapistatfirst.Whenseekinghelp,bewareofthesecharacteristicsanddon’tgiveupeasily​17​.Asecurerelationshiptakestimetodevelop,andthesameistruefortherelationshipbetweentherapistandpatient. Atherapistcanalsohelpyousethealthyboundaries,boostlowself-confidenceandlookforsaferelationshipsifyouarecurrentlyinanabusiverelationship. Havingasenseofsecurityisanimportantstepinhealing.Inthelongterm,yourhardworkwillberewarded. References 1.WeardenAJ,LambertonN,CrookN,WalshV.Adultattachment,alexithymia,andsymptomreporting.JournalofPsychosomaticResearch.PublishedonlineMarch2005:279-288.doi:10.1016/j.jpsychores.2004.09.010 2.Lawler-RowKA,YoungerJW,PiferiRL,JonesWH.TheRoleofAdultAttachmentStyleinForgivenessFollowinganInterpersonalOffense.JournalofCounseling&Development.PublishedonlineOctober2006:493-502.doi:10.1002/j.1556-6678.2006.tb00434.x 3.BrennanKA,ShaverPR,TobeyAE.AttachmentStyles,GenderandParentalProblemDrinking.JournalofSocialandPersonalRelationships.PublishedonlineNovember1991:451-466.doi:10.1177/026540759184001 4.RholesWS,SimpsonJA,FriedmanM.AvoidantAttachmentandtheExperienceofParenting.PersSocPsycholBull.PublishedonlineMarch2006:275-285.doi:10.1177/0146167205280910 5.UngerJAM,DeLucaRV.TheRelationshipBetweenChildhoodPhysicalAbuseandAdultAttachmentStyles.JFamViol.PublishedonlineMarch23,2014:223-234.doi:10.1007/s10896-014-9588-3 6.PaetzoldRL,RholesWS,KohnJL.DisorganizedAttachmentinAdulthood:Theory,Measurement,andImplicationsforRomanticRelationships.ReviewofGeneralPsychology.PublishedonlineJune2015:146-156.doi:10.1037/gpr0000042 7.LevyKN,BlattSJ,ShaverPR.Attachmentstylesandparentalrepresentations.JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology.Publishedonline1998:407-419.doi:10.1037/0022-3514.74.2.407 8.CollinsNL,FeeneyBC.WorkingModelsofAttachmentShapePerceptionsofSocialSupport:EvidenceFromExperimentalandObservationalStudies.JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology.Publishedonline2004:363-383.doi:10.1037/0022-3514.87.3.363 9.CrittendenPM,AinsworthMDS.Childmaltreatmentandattachmenttheory.In:ChildMaltreatment.CambridgeUniversityPress;1989:432-463.doi:10.1017/cbo9780511665707.015 10.SimpsonJA,RholesWS,OriñaMM,GrichJ.WorkingModelsofAttachment,SupportGiving,andSupportSeekinginaStressfulSituation.PersSocPsycholBull.PublishedonlineMay2002:598-608.doi:10.1177/0146167202288004 11.SimpsonJA,RholesWS,NelliganJS.Supportseekingandsupportgivingwithincouplesinananxiety-provokingsituation:Theroleofattachmentstyles.JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology.Publishedonline1992:434-446.doi:10.1037/0022-3514.62.3.434 12.FraleyRC,BonannoGA.AttachmentandLoss:ATestofThreeCompetingModelsontheAssociationbetweenAttachment-RelatedAvoidanceandAdaptationtoBereavement.PersSocPsycholBull.PublishedonlineJuly2004:878-890.doi:10.1177/0146167204264289 13.DuttonDG,SaundersK,StarzomskiA,BartholomewK.Intimacy-AngerandInsecureAttachmentasPrecursorsofAbuseinIntimateRelationships1.JApplSocialPyschol.PublishedonlineAugust1994:1367-1386.doi:10.1111/j.1559-1816.1994.tb01554.x 14.SonkinDJ,DuttonD.TreatingAssaultiveMenfromanAttachmentPerspective.JournalofAggression,Maltreatment&Trauma.PublishedonlineAugust11,2003:105-133.doi:10.1300/j146v07n01_06 15.RHOLESWS,SIMPSONJA,BLAKELYBS.Adultattachmentstylesandmothers’relationshipswiththeiryoungchildren.PersonalRelationships.PublishedonlineMarch1995:35-54.doi:10.1111/j.1475-6811.1995.tb00076.x 16.LEVYKN.Theimplicationsofattachmenttheoryandresearchforunderstandingborderlinepersonalitydisorder.DevelopPsychopathol.PublishedonlineDecember2005.doi:10.1017/s0954579405050455 17.ReisS,GrenyerBFS.Fearfulattachment,workingallianceandtreatmentresponseforindividualswithmajordepression.ClinPsycholPsychother.Publishedonline2004:414-424.doi:10.1002/cpp.428 Wasthisarticlehelpful? Yes No Postnavigation WhatCausesAnxiousAttachmentStyle&HowToHealEustressvsDistressExamples–Positive&NegativeTypesofStressors Disclaimer *Allinformationonparentingforbrain.comisforeducationalpurposesonly.ParentingForBraindoesnotprovidemedicaladvice.Ifyoususpectmedicalproblemsorneedprofessionaladvice,pleaseconsultaphysician.* Searchfor: 4TypesofParentingStylesandTheirEffectsOnTheChild7SimpleStepstoDealingwithTwoYearOld’sTemperTantrums Searchfor: