11 Telltale Signs You're Dealing With A Toxic Person

Toxic people are people who cause harm to another, often through emotional manipulation, clinical psychologist Perpetua Neo, DClinPsy, tells mbg ... Skiptocontent # mindbodygreen CloseAd Navigation MainNavigation 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson Login Profile SavedArticles Orders&Tracking Classes ContactSupport LogOut Yourcartisempty. Ouronlineclassesandtrainingprogramsallowyoutolearnfromexpertsfromanywhereintheworld. ExploreClasses mbgSupplements+ 0 VIEWCART mbgCalm 0 VIEWCART mbgClasses 0 VIEWCART SubcategoryNavigation mindfulness health food movement beauty home socialgood parenting more astrology planet relationships lifestyle Love 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson mbgSpirituality&RelationshipsWriter BySarahRegan mbgSpirituality&RelationshipsWriter SarahReganisaSpirituality&RelationshipsWriter,andaregisteredyogainstructor.Shereceivedherbachelor'sinbroadcastingandmasscommunicationfromSUNYOswego,andlivesinBuffalo,NewYork. 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson Imageby kelvinjay /iStock 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson Oureditorshaveindependentlychosentheproductslistedonthispage.Ifyoupurchasesomethingmentionedinthisarticle,wemayearnasmallcommission. August23,2021 Shareon: 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson Shareon: 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson 11TelltaleSignsYou'reDealingWithAToxicPerson Theterm"toxic"getsthrownaroundalotthesedays—butwhatdoesitactuallymean?Oddsare,you'vemetatoxicpersonortwothroughoutyourlife,butsometimestheycanbehardtospot.Here,wedigintowhatbeingtoxicreallymeans,signstowatchoutfor,andhowtodealwithtoxicpeopleinyourlife. InThisArticle 1 Definition 2 Howtoxicpeopleaffectyou 3 Toxictraits 4 Howtodealwithtoxicpeople Whatdoesitmeantobetoxic?  Toxicpeoplearepeoplewhocauseharmtoanother,oftenthroughemotionalmanipulation,clinicalpsychologist PerpetuaNeo,DClinPsy,tellsmbg.Somedoitknowingly,suchasdarkpersonalitytypes(yourpsychopaths,narcissists,sociopaths,Machiavellians,etc.),whichareoftencorrelatedwithtoxictraits,sheadds.Aslicensedpsychotherapist BabitaSpinelli,L.P.,J.D.,notes,thesepeoplecanhaveareallynegativeimpactonothersthroughtheirbehavior,whetherthey'reattemptingtomanipulatesomeone,controlthem,orabusetheminanyway."Thenthere'sanotheraddedlayerwheretherearethosewhodoitsadisticallytocausedramaorwatchsomeonesquirm,"Neoadds.Thatsaid,somepeoplecanhavetoxictraitswithoutnecessarilyrealizingtheeffectthey'rehavingonotherpeople. Advertisement Howtoxicpeoplecannegativelyaffectyou. Itgoeswithoutsayingthattoxicpeoplearen'tfuntobearound,butthenegativeeffecttheycanhaveonpeoplegoesdeep.AsSpinelliexplains,thesepeoplewillfindwaystoblameyouforeverything,controlyou,suffocateyou,andinvalidateyou,whichcanleadyoutoabandonyourself.Notonlythat,butthey'reenergyvampires,meaningtheyseemtodraintheverylifeoutofyoujustwiththeirpresence."Theycauseyoualotofdistressthatyoumayevenjustifybecauseyoucan'tunderstandwhyit'saffectingyousobadly,"Neonotes,addingthattoxicpeoplewilloftenmakeyouquestionyoursanity.Whenatoxicpersonhasaholdonyou,you'llfindyourselfaccommodatingthem,makingpoorchoices,andgettingcaughtindrama.Thisallleadstoanoveralldiminishingofself-esteemandself-worth,andevenanxietyanddepression,saysSpinelli. 11traitstolookoutfor: 1. Emotionalmanipulation Emotionalmanipulationincludesawholehostofbehaviorsandtactics,andifyougetthesenseyou'rebeingemotionallymanipulated,you'relikelydealingwithatoxicperson,NeoandSpinellisay."They'llputyoudownandinsultyou,ofteninapassive-aggressiveorbackhandedway,"Neosays.Andthat'sjustthetipoftheiceberg.Maybetheymakejokesaboutsomethingyou'resensitiveabouttogetariseoutofyou,orperhapstheywithholdaffectiontopunishyouforseeminglynoreason."Alltheywantistomakeyousquirm—theythriveonthat,"Neosays. 2. Dishonesty Anysortofdishonesty,whetherit'sdeceit,lying,orgeneralsecrecy,isasignofatoxicperson,accordingtoSpinelli.Thisoneistough,dependingonhowgoodofaliaryou'redealingwith,butifyoucatchtheminalie,especiallymorethanonce,don'ttakeitlightly. 3. Gaslighting Gaslightingisaformofemotionalmanipulation,butitgetsitsowncalloutbecauseitcanbehardtorealizewhenit'shappeningtoyou.Gaslightingisessentiallywhensomeonedeniesyourrealitywithphraseslike"you'remakingthingsup"or"you'rebeingdramatic"whenyouexpressyourthoughtsandfeelings.Thisistoxic,NeoandSpinelliagree,andcanleadyoutodistrustyourownintuitionandexperiences.(Ifyounoticeit'shappeningtoyou,here'showtodealwithgaslighting.) 4. Lackofaccountability Toxicpeopledonotwanttotaketheblameforanything,andthey'llmakesuretheydon't.Notonlydotheydisplayalackofresponsibilityfortheiractions,Spinellisays,butthey'lloftendeflectblameontoothers. 5. Lackofboundaries AccordingtoNeo,toxicpeoplehavenoconceptof(orrespectfor)boundaries.Ifyousetahealthy,reasonableboundary,they'lltramplealloverit,shesays,addingthey'llevenmakeityourfaultfor"beingtoosensitive"ifyougetupsetwhenyourboundaryiscrossed. 6. Unsupportive Doesthispersonsupportyourgoalsanddreams?Aretheyhappyforyouwhensomethinggoesrightinyourlife?Aretheyinterestedinyourwantsandneeds?Iftheanswertothesequestionsisno,Spinellisays,that'satoxicperson.Evenwhentheydomakefeignedattemptsatsupport,itcanoftencomeoffas"toxicpositivity,"whichisessentiallyinsincereoptimismtoavoidactuallyholdingspaceforsomeone. 7. Energydraining Goingbacktotheideaofenergyvampires,NeoandSpinelliagree,toxicpeopleareanextremedraintobearound."Theyaredepletingandleaveyoufeelingexhausted,"Spinellisays.Neoconcurs: "Theycreatestress,depletion,andnegativitytothosearoundthem." 8. Powerdynamics AccordingtoSpinelli,toxicpeoplearelikelytocreateapowerdynamic.Theydon'twantrelationshipswithmutualrespectandreciprocitybutratheroneswheretheyhavetheupperhandandcanmanipulatethepeoplearoundthem.(See:one-sidedfriendships.) 9. Encouragingcodependency Similartotheaforementionedpowerstructure,toxicpeoplewillnotonlyencouragebutcreateacodependentdynamic,Spinellisays.Ifyou'rebeinggaslightedandyourtrustinyourownselfhasdiminished,you'llleanonthistoxicpersonevenfurther,Neoexplains,whichisexactlywhattheywant."Theywilldotheirultimatebesttoisolateyoufrompeopleinyourlife,"sheadds. 10. Incitingdrama Toxicpeoplewanttomakeyousquirm.So,Neosays,don'tbesurprisedwhentheycan'tseemtoresiststartingafight.Forexample,theymayknowyouhaveanearlymorningthenextdayandasktodosomethinglatethatnight,justsoyou'llhavetosaynoandsetthatboundary."Thenthey'lltellyouyou'rebeingdifficultordemanding,"Neoadds. 11. Insincereapologies Andlastly,Neoexplains,themoresophisticatedtoxicpeoplewhoknowwhenthey'vedonewrong(becausetheydiditonpurpose)mayapologizetoyou.Butthatapologywon'tbesincere—"theymakeitallaboutyou,andmakeitallyourfault,"sheadds,withphraseslike"I'msorryyouthinkIwaswrong"or"I'msorryifIupsetyou."Andremember,anapologywithoutchangeismanipulationinitsownright.(Here'stherightwaytoapologize,forwhatit'sworth.) Howtodealwithtoxicpeople. So,whatcanbedoneaboutthesetoxicpeople?Neosuggestsignoringthemifpossible—andcertainlygetoutifyou'reinarelationshipwiththem(romanticornot)."Ifthetoxicrelationshipdemonstratesone-sidedness,"Spinelliadds,"it'stimetodistanceyourselforcutitoff."Ofcourse,sometimeswecan'tavoidcertainpeople,whethertheybetoxicfamilymembersorco-workers.Inthatcase,it'simportanttoknowyourboundariesandsticktothem,Spinellisays.AsNeoadds,sometimeswedon'trealizeweareindeedallowedtosetfirmboundaries.Ifyoustrugglewiththis,shesuggestsplanninga"script"ofsorts,planningoutexactlywhatyouwanttosaybeforeyouhavetosayit.BothNeoandSpinelliexplainthatwhendealingwithtoxicpeople,wehavetoknowwhatwe'redealingwithandrespondassuch.Neocallsitthe"lawofthejungle,"basicallysayingyouwouldn'tgointoajunglewithoutbeingproperlyequippedtoprotectyourself.So,don'tbeafraidtodojustthat."Thisdoesn'tmeanyouarenotacompassionateperson,"Spinelliadds."Itmeansyouaretakingcareofyourselfandensuringself-preservation."AndasNeonotes,defendingyourselfisnotthesameasprovokinganother,and"youcanretainyourkindest,mostlovingselfforthosewhodeserveit."Lastbutcertainlynotleast,Neoalsosuggestsdoingsometraumawork,becausetoxicpeoplewillknowhowtohityouwhereithurts."Makesureyouhealthetrauma,respondwisely,andyouarestrategic,"shesays,sothattheycan'ttriggeryou. Thebottomline. Sometimesitcanbehardtoadmittoourselveswhenaclosepersoninourlivesistoxic.Wedon'twanttobelieveit,andwewanttogivethemthebenefitofthedoubt.Butifanyofthesesignsandbehaviorshaveleftyouunsettled,there'saverygoodchanceyou'redealingwithatoxicperson.Noonedeservestobeemotionallymanipulatedorabusedinanyway,sowhenitcomesdowntoit,yourbestbetistomaintainasmuchdistanceaspossible. Wantyourpassionforwellnesstochangetheworld?BecomeAFunctionalNutritionCoach!Enrolltodaytojoinourupcomingliveofficehours. ResetYourGut SignupforourFREEdoctor-approvedguthealthguidefeaturingshoppinglists,recipes,andtips SIGNUP Youarenowsubscribed Beonthelookoutforawelcomeemailinyourinbox! SarahRegan mbgSpirituality&RelationshipsWriter SarahReganisaSpirituality&RelationshipsWriter,aswellasaregisteredyogainstructor.Shereceivedherbachelor'sinbroadcastingandmasscommunicationfromSUNYOswego,... 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