7 Types of Toxic People and How to Spot Them

How to Deal with Toxicity · You have to constantly save this person and fix their problems · You are covering up or hiding for them · You dread seeing them · You ... Skiptocontent 7TypesofToxicPeopleandHowtoSpotThem Doyouhaveatoxicperson,ortoxicpeopleinyourlife?Draininganddifficultpeopleareoneoflife’sgreatestchallenges.Iwanttohelp! TableofContents The7TypesofToxicPeople TheConversationalNarcissistTheStraitJacketTheEmotionalMoocherTheDramaMagnetTheJJTheFibberTheTank HowtoDealwithToxicity Doyouhaveatoxicpersoninyourlife? Draining,unsupportive,anddifficultpeopleareoneoflife’sgreatestchallenges.Inthispost,Iwanttotalkabouthowyoucanspot,stop,anddealwiththetoxicpeoplewhocomeintoyourlife.Youdeservetohavepeopleinyourlifethatyouenjoyspendingtimewith,thatsupportyou,andthatyouLOVEhangingoutwith. Here’stheproblem:Guilt WheneverItalkabouttoxicpeople,thesamecategoriesseemtocropupoverandoveragain: FriendbyHistory:Thisisapersonwhomyouhaveknownforever.Maybeyouwenttoelementaryschooltogether,oryouwereneighborsgrowingup.Nowyoufeelguiltyendingtherelationship. FriendbyProximity:Thisisapersonwhocomesasapackagewithsomeoneelseinyourlife.Maybeit’syourpartner’sbestfriend,oryourfriend’sbrotherwhoalwaystagsalong,oryourbestfriend’schildhoodfriend.Youfeelguiltybecauseyoudon’twanttoputyourpersoninanawkwardsituation.FriendbyContext:Thisisapersonwhoyouseeallthetimeinaspecificareaofyourlife–someoneyouworkwitheveryday…someoneonyourflagfootballteam…someonewholivesacrossthehall.Youfeelguiltybrushingthemoffbecauseyouseethemallthedangtime. Sometimestheserelationshipsarecasual,butothertimestheycangrowrotten.Youendupkeepingsomeoneinyourlifewhoisjealousorhasatotallydifferentsetofethics,andthatiswhentheybecometoxic. The7TypesofToxicPeople Herearethe7typesoftoxicpeopletowatchoutfor: TheConversationalNarcissist Haveyoueverbeentalkingtosomeonewhokeepsinterruptingyou?MaybeIshouldrevisethatsentence:haveyoueverbeentryingtotalktosomeonewhowon’tletyougetawordin?ConversationalnarcissistsLOVEtotalkaboutthemselves—orjusthearthemselvestalk.Theydon’taskyouanyquestions,theydon’twaitforyourresponses,andtheywon’tshutup.Inarelationship,thesepeoplewillendupbeingcompletelyself-centered,andwillneverbeattentivetoyourneeds. ↑TableofContents↑TheStraitJacket Thestraitjacketissomeonewhowantstocontroleverythingandeveryonearoundthem.Theywanttobeinchargeofwhatyoudo,whatyousay,andevenwhatyouthink.YouknowthepersonIamtalkingabout––theyfreakoutwhenyoudisagreewiththem,andwon’tstoptryingtoconvinceyouthattheyarerightandyoushoulddowhattheysay.Inarelationship,thispersonwillgiveyounobreathingroomandwillconstantlynagyouuntilyouareincompletealignmentwiththem.Becareful,thesepeoplewillgoafteryouremotional,conversational,andmentalfreedomuntilyouhavenothingleft.Getoutwhileyoucan! ↑TableofContents↑TheEmotionalMoocher Anemotionalmoocherisalsoknownasa“spiritualvampire,”becausetheytendtosuckthepositivityoutofyouorbleedyouemotionallydry.Thesearethepeoplewhoalwayshavesomethingsad,negative,orpessimistictosay.Inconversationsandrelationships,theycanneverseethepositive,andtendtobringeveryonedownwiththem.Ifyou’rewithsomeoneandtheyonlyhavebadthingstosaywheneveryouseethem,watchout;itmightnotgetbetter. ↑TableofContents↑TheDramaMagnet Sometoxicpeoplearemagnetsfordrama.Somethingisalwayswrong.Always.Andofcourse,onceaproblemissolved,anotheroneemerges.Andtheyonlywantyourempathy,sympathy,andsupport–butnotyouradvice!Youofferhelpandsolutions,buttheyneverseemtowanttofixanything.Instead,theycomplainandcomplain.Inarelationship,dramamagnetsarevictimsandthriveinacrisis,becauseitmakesthemfeelimportant.Ifsomeoneisabeaconforadversity,watchout,youmightonedaybecomepartofthedrama. ↑TableofContents↑TheJJ AJJisajealous-judgmentalperson.MyfriendsandIcanspotaJJfromamileaway,andIwanttoshowyouhowtoaswell.Jealouspeopleareincrediblytoxicbecausetheyhavesomuchself-hatethattheycan’tbehappyforanyonearoundthem.Andtypically,theirjealousycomesoutasjudgment,criticism,orgossip.Accordingtothem,everyoneelseisawful,uncool,orlackinginsomeway.Ifsomeonestartstogossipjealouslyaboutotherpeople,watchout,thismightbeatoxicperson—andyouneverknowwhattheysayaboutyoubehindyourback. ↑TableofContents↑TheFibber IhadalotofliarsinmylifebeforeIlearnedhumanliedetection.Liars,fibbers,exaggerators…it’sexhaustingtohaveatoxicdeceiverinyourlife.Whethertheytelllittlefalsehoodsormajorlies,it’simpossibletotrustaliarinarelationship.Dishonestydrainsusbecauseweareconstantlydoubtingtheirwords.Ifyourintuitionisringingalarmbells,thenwatchout;getoutbeforeyou’reliedto. ↑TableofContents↑TheTank Atankcrusheseverythinginitswake.Ahumantankisalwaysright,doesn’ttakeanyoneelse’sfeelingsorideasintoaccount,andconstantlyputsthemselvesfirst.Inarelationship,tanksareincrediblyarrogantandseetheirpersonalopinionsasfacts.Thisisbecausetheyoftenthinktheyarethesmartestpersonintheroom,sotheyseeeveryconversationandpersonasachallengethatmustbewonover.Theyrarelyseeothersasequals—andthiscanbechallengingwhentryingtoformalovingconnection.Ifyoufeelyourideasarebeingrunover,oryouarenotbeingrespected,getoutwhileyoustillcan! ↑TableofContents↑HowtoDealwithToxicity DidsomeonepopintoyourheadasIexplainedthesetoxicpersonalitytypes?Ifyouhavesomeoneinyourlifewhomyoudreadseeing,whodoesn’trespectyouropinions,orwhomakesyoufeelbadaboutyourselfinanyway,thenyouneedtojustsayno.  Doyoufeel: YouhavetoconstantlysavethispersonandfixtheirproblemsYouarecoveringuporhidingforthemYoudreadseeingthemYoufeeldrainedafterbeingwiththemYougetangry,sadordepressedwhenyouarearoundthemTheycauseyoutogossiporbemeanYoufeelyouhavetoimpressthemYou’reaffectedbytheirdramaorproblemsTheyignoreyourneedsanddon’thear‘no’ Youdeservetohavewonderful,supportiveandlovingpeopleinyourlife.Infact,lifeistooshorttospendtimewithpeoplewhodon’thelpyoubeyourbestself.Ihopeyouwillusethisarticleasyourimmunizationagainsttoxicpeople! AboutScienceofPeople Ourmissionistohelpyouachieveyoursocialandprofessionalgoalsfasterusingsciencebacked,practicaladvice. Ourteamcuratesthebestcommunication,relationshipandsocialskillsresearch;turningintoactionableandrelatablelifeskills. ScienceofPeoplewasfoundedbyVanessaVanEdwards,bestsellingauthorof Captivate:TheScienceofSucceedingwithPeople. Asarecoveringawkwardperson,Vanessahelpsmillionsfindtheirinnercharisma. 123replieson“7TypesofToxicPeopleandHowtoSpotThem” WilliamPeifer Imetsomeonewhomeetsallofthecriteriaoftheconversationalnarcist,tankandthestraightjacket. Yesall3inoneperson. HetoldmeIneedtochangeandeverytimeIdosomethingorsaysomethingthenIamlearning,andyethedoesn’tdoanythingimpressiveenoughtoshowanygrowthhimself. CarlWarren,Sr Itotallyagreewiththeexplanationsusedforthe7typesoftoxicpeople.AsaClinicalTherapistforoverfortyplusyears,Ihavebeenfortunatetoencountermyselfandothersuchpeopleinprofessionalwaysandasclients.Toxicpeoplehavebeengreatinhelpingmetoemotionally,psychologicallyandspirituallygrow.Toxicpeoplehelpedmetointrospectively“Stop”,“Look”,“Listen”,“Think”and“Process”muchofmyownpainandtoxicitythatIhavebeenabletorecognize,acknowledgeandaccepttoovercomeandisstillovercomingmoredaily.Itwasandismyneedtogrowandhealmybody,mindandspiritfromselfabuse,other’sabuses,crueltyandrejectionbymymother,racism,andlegalexploitationsofmyselfandmyblackbrothersandsisters,haveledmeonvariouspaths,whichoftentimesledmetoservingothers,serving“humanity”,andsometimes,servingmyenemieswithselflessnessandagapelove.Icametorealize,“NoOneCanForMe,NoOneWillDoForMe,andIDoNotExpectAnyonetoDoForMe,WhatImustFirstDoForMyself,andAccepttheresponsibilitiesandconsequencesformydecisions.IhavehadtolearnfromdecisionsthatdidnotgothewayIwantedtheoutcomestobe.AsHamletsaid,“ToBe,orNotToBe,IstheQuestion”.ToBeorNotBeAToxicPerson,IsEachofOurChoiceandResponsibility.ABeginningPointforMe,WasLearningtoGetOutofMyWay,byLearningtoBe“Brutally”EmotionalHonestWithMyself.Then,IamAbletoBe,EmotionallyandEmpatheticallyHonestwithOthers.However,Ihavelearnedtoacceptothersastheyare,“Remembering,OnlybyGraceoftheCreatorasIUnderstandtheCreatorToBe,“ThereWhereIOnceWas,orMayinSomeWayStillBeStruggling.”“OmManiPadMiHum”.“HailtoOurOverSelves”!!! DGWRITINGStwt Okaythereasonwhyimherebecauseiwanttofindanswersonwhyihavetodeal/howtodealwithsomeonelikethiswho’sclosewithme-mysister.Imeanwedontalwaysfight,butwhenwedo,it’ssomethingbecauseofcommunicationbreakdownandoneofusrefusetobeincorrect.Ialsowantedtoknowaboutwhatdoyoucallsomebodywhoemotionallymanipulatesomeonejustforthemtobecomeorfeelsuperior,ortothepointofusingphysicalabusetoshutdownsomeone.Toxicisacommonlyusedwordforavarietyofreasons,andiwantedtofindspecificanswerbyreachingouthere.Nevertheless,ifoundanswersherethatseemhelpfulonhowtospotdifferentkindsoftoxicpeople. Leerose IhavethesameproblemwithmyolderbrotherbuthegetsmestuffandwehangoutbutassoonasheassumesorthinksI’mupsetangryorusinghimwitchI’mnothesaysalotofmeanstuffandgetsreallyreallypettyandit’sconstantlyexhaustinghavinghimassumeonadailybasisthatI’mupsetandhegoesonlongrantandtextofparagraphsliteralparagraphsonhowI’mwrongandIneedtoapologizeformakinghimsadorsomethingorneedtoownuptomymistakesandgrowupit’smentallytaxingandI’msooootiredIjustwantmycreativityandhappyishselfbackIwas13to14whenhestartedlivingwithusandheusedmetoventandI’magoodpersonandlistenerbutitbecomestomuchatsomepointtobedraggedaroundandsitthereandlistentosomedeepstuffhetoldmemeanwhileIcanbarelydealwithstuffI’mgoingthroughI’m18nowandI’vewastedmyemotionalhealthandminddealingwiththispersonI’mexhausted. SomeGuy Hi. Itsgreatarticle.Andimustsaythatsomeofthischaracteristicmywifehad.Icansaythatinevermetmorepesimisticpersoninmylife,plus,sometimesitgotmeupset,andbynatureiamoptimisticnotangryguy,butshecouldpokethatinme.Duetoiwasoptimisicpersonalways,ikindaalwaystriedconvertingherpesimizamintofindingsolutionsandmovingon,butyougettiredofit.Soonceistartedtogettiredofit,istartedtopullback,cutoutmyfeelings,andgoingtowardstheendofrelationship.Whichevetuallyhappenedandwegotdivorced.But10yearsofmarriageisnicemilestoneforme.Check.Moveon.Lifeisshort,iwanttofeelhappyinanymoment,andhavearoundmyselfonlypeoplewhocanfitinthat.Ifiseeiamgettingtiredofsomeone,icuttherootanditsgoodbye.Lifeisthenmuchbetter.nomatterifiendupalone.Andiamnotdepressedperson,soitsadvantageforme,becauseialwaystrytofindpositivityineverything,solution,anditfeelsgreat. Webworm Idisagreewiththisvideo.Ifindit“dangerous”even.Thetypeofpersonsyoudescribearenotwhat“toxic”means.Inyourvideoyousimplydescribenarcistic,negativeorindifferentpeople.Yes,they_might_betoxic,butthisisnotasufficiantcriteriafor“toxicperson”. Ifindyourvido“danerous”becauseitcausessuspiciousnessreg.peoplethatactinanannoyingway,thathaveflaws,butthatarenottoxic. Oneofthecommentsshowsit:“Mydadistoxic.Healwayswantstoberight”.Yes,thisisannoyingandexhausting.Butthatisnotwhattoxicmeans. Yourvideodoesn’tevendescribearealtoxicperson: Someonewhoistoxicactssubtile,deceitful.Theymanipulateand–aboveall–theysplitpeople,friendshpandtrust.Toxicpeoplemobandsegregatepeople.Theyspreadliesandmistrust. Alone Iamstronglyagreewithyou,Ihaveafewfriendswhoareastoxicasyoumentioned,actsdeceitfulandtryingtomanipulate.Mostimportantlyistheydosegregatepeopleandfriendshipbyspreadingliesandhates.IfeellikeIamevenmoreisolatedandhavetoagreeeverythingwiththem.Ithinkthisisthemoreappropriatedefinitionoftoxicpeople,theyarejustconstantlyspreadinghatesmademefeeldepressed.Whatmakesmemoredepressedisoneofthemwasactuallyaveryclosefriendtome,myonlybestfriend,buthedoesnoteventakemeashisgoodfriendletalongbestfriend,Ifeellikeheusesmeas“negativityabsorber”,whenheapproachesmemostlyallhedoesisjustconstantlyfeedingmeallthenegativeenergy,hates,biasedandmanipulativeopinions.I’mhelpless,Idon’tknowwhatshouldIdo,Ineedhelp,Ineedadvices,IfeellikeIcan’tletgoa8yearsfriendship. Ray DefinitionofToxicPersonalityfromWEBMD–Atoxicpersonisanyonewhosebehavioraddsnegativityandupsettoyourlife. Whyhavepeopleinyourlifewhobringnegativityandupset?Unlessyouareforcedtolikeinajob.Butinyourfreetime,whyassociatewithpeoplewhoaddnegativedrag?It’sbettertositathomealoneingoodcompanythangooutwithsomeonewhoisgongtoaffectyounegatively. Youdon’towepeopleanything.Iftheydon’taddtoyourlife,thereisnoneedtodealwiththem. Tami Iagreewithyou.Everyonehasflawsthatdoesn’tmeantheyaretoxic.Thisvideoistotallywrong. JoanFournier-Huck IhaveatoxiccontrollingpersoninmylifeandismysonsgirlfriendandherdaughterismygrandchildwhomIloveverymuch,andthispersonistoxicinmylife.Iallowedhertomoveinbecause0fmygranddaughterandsheinnotgratefulasshetriestochangeeverythingfromhowIarrangemyfridge,myhome,meals,furniture,dailyroutine,whatIfeedmydogandcat,takeovermyconversationswithfriendswhostopby.buysfoodonlysheenjoys,willkissmyhusbandsbutttogettome.IcannottakeitanymorewhenshegoestoworkIchangeitallbackanditdoesnotgetthemessagethrough.Help KarlHoerr Iagree.Toxiciswaytooharshandunreasonable. Barb That’sverytrue…BUTwhenyourecognizeatoxic(narcissistic)person,itiswhatitis!ImaginehavinganAunt&Unclethatcarries5ofthetraitsabove!They’remyMom’ssiblings!It’sgenetic.Ilovethembutit’sachallengetodealw/them!! Jlo Tryhavingbetterreadingskills,becausetheauthorclearlywroteeverysinglethingyousaid“shedidnot.”Ididn’twatchthevideo,butIdoknowhowtoreadandspellcorrectly.Andyouare,clearly,wrong. Adaline Yup.Thatsettlesit.Mydadisdefinitelymessedupandtoxic.Healwayshastoberight,ALWAYS.Heusesfear,mocking,andothertacticstomakemefeellikethetraitor.IDREADhangingwithhim.Myparentsaredivorced,butdontworry,itwasahugereliefforme.Theyargued24/7,mydadmentallyand,wouldtryto,physicallyabusemymom.Icantevengothecartriphomewithoutgettingscoldedtwiceoversomething!Andtogaslightme,heactsinnocentandlikehesneverdoneanythingwrongandcan’tunderstandwhyweareso“disrespectfulattimes”.I’mdone.Sooverit.IresenthimsomuchIneverwanttobuildbackourrelationship,ever.I’malsobi,heshomophobic.IwillnotcomeouttillIhavecompletecontrolofmylife,sohecandonoharm.Hopefully.Thisarticleconfirmsthroughandthroughhistactics,andI’mdone.Justwantedtoventthat.. Veronica Thankyou!!!!Yourfirstwordwasalreadyadiagnosis:“guilt”.Thankyou!!Thisistheinvisiblelashwhichkeepussufferingfromtoxicpeople,andnotfeelingwellsayingno. Genius! Barbara Iam58asismyfriendfrom7thgrade.IfeellikesheissotoxicthatitleavesmedrainedandIalwaysneedtoblockheroutforperiodsoftimes.Iammarried,sheisnot,shecaresforherelderlymotherwhoisnotwell.Sheneverlistenstomenomatterwhat.Idonotliketalkingonthephonebutshedemands,pushestheninsistssoItrytotalktoheronthephoneatleastonceaweek.ItoldherweekendsarebadbecausemyhusbandworksandwehavethingstodoandSundayisfamilydayhere,sheignoresthatandwillcalloverandoveronthosedaysanyway.Shemakeslonglistsofthingspeopleneedtochangeaboutthemselvesorlonglistsonhowsomeoneshouldhavedonesomething.Shepointsoutpeople’sfaultsdeniesshehasanyever,neverapologizesforanythingshedoesthenhasthehilltomakeremarkslikeherfriendsaren’tbeingsupportiveofher.It’sjustaconstantburageofpsychobs.Itdrainsme.Shesawapostonmyfbwhereanotherfriendofoursmadearemarkaboutleavingtheirphoneinhercarandshedidn’tbringthephonetothem.sheflewintoaslaughterhouseofberatingremarks,blockingthem,tellingmewhatIshouldsaytothemaccordingtoher,onandon,whenIsaidstop,stopthis,thestressanddramacausesmyheartmusclestosqueezeit’snotgoodformeIcan’ttakethisandIamnotjoininginongossip,sheignoreditcontinuedonfor5moredays,sendingmesnapshotsofremarksthenscreenshotsoftheentirepostandcommentsagain.WhenIhadenoughandcomfortedhersheliterallydeniedanywrong,didnotapologizeandthendecidedtomakeremarkstopeopleabouthowherfatherisdyingandsheknowswhoherrealfriendsarefromwhocommentedonherfbpost.IdidnotbecauseIhavehaditwiththisgarbage.SeriouslyIneedtodumpthisselfcenteredtoxictrainwreck.ThequestionisdoInowwhileherfatherisdyingordoIwaitandhavetotolerateherragingfitsfurther? Jason I’vebeendoingalotofsoulsearchingandselfreflectionlatelyduetomymarriageending.Partofthisisreadingthrougharticleslikethistoseewherethingswentwrong.After30yearsofcodependency,Ifindmyselfabrokenman.WhenIlookedthroughthelist,someofthosethingsreflectbackonmeandsomerelatetomyex.Iknowwearehumanandmakemistakesandtrytolearnfromthem,butsometimeswefallintoarutanddon’trealizeituntilitistoolate.Ofcoursehindsightis20/20andwecanseetheroadbehindus,butIhadahardtimeinthepastseeingtheroadaheadandwhereIshouldhavemadethechanges.Thankyouforthearticleandtheabilitytopost.Itisabitcathartictobeabletogetthisoutinwritingandreflect. Scott HanginthereJason.I’mgoingthrutheexactsamething.30yearsandsuddenlyit’soverandthere’snofamilyhomeforkidsandgrandkidstogettogetheratanymore.Weareallcapableofhavingtoxictendenciesbuthonesty,humilityandseekingandgrantingforgivenesshelpsagreatdeal.Bestwishes. DhananjayLele HiIlikedthe7stepsbutwouldhavebeenreallyhelpfulifyouhadtoldushowtodealwiththem.Nexusesifwekeeponeliminatingpeoplebasedonthesetechniqueswemightbeleftalonewithnoonearoundus. Sen thereissomethingmoreimportantthatyoudidn’tmention,thereareofcoarsemoretypesoftoxicpeople,butI’msureeverybodyalreadyknowsthat.whatI’mtryingtosayis–thekindoftoxicpersonthatthinksofthemselveslowerthantheirpartnerorotherpeople.thesepeoplealwaysblamethemselvesandareveryparanoid.theytendtothinkthatpeopledon’tlikethemandpushothersaway.theypretendtolikeisolationbuttheyarescreamingforhelp.theyalmostalwayspretendtobehappyanddon’tshareemotionsortrusteasily.oftenthisiscausedbytheirpastandthesepeoplearetoxicbutnotthekindthattheauthorherementions.butIlikethearticleanyways.<3 Angel That’scalleddepressionwithatouchofptsd.Theptsdcanbeworkedthrough.Butthedepressionwillmorethenlikelyifsevereenough,needmedicationatleasttobeginwith.Biggestthingtorememberisthatmetaphoicallywemightstandinthesameforestwiththesametrees,butnoone’seyesseethesametrees…similaryesbutyoucan’tjudgewatothersseeandfeeljustbecausethewayyouseeandfeel.Wemustallbeopentoeveryonesinterpretation…Thatdoesn’tmeanyouhavetoseeitthesamewejusthavetoacknowledgeweseedifferently,andacceptitasnormal. Bahareh Hello! Isthereanybookwhichcanhelpthem?Orisitanywaytohelpthemasunprofessionalperson? Joan feelforyouasIknowhowitfeelsandtiredofit.WhensheleavesIchangeitallbackandshedoesnotgetiteventhoughIhavebroughtittoherherattention.HelpandIhavetrieditallincludingthingsnotmentioned. j isthisactuallytraitsofatoxicperson?tome,itsoundsliketheycouldpossiblybehavinganxiety,depressionetc. Tiff Ohman,that’sme… Margo Thisisn’ttoxicity.Thisisdepressionandanxiety.Thesearethepeoplethatneedsupport,andareusuallyvictimsoftrulytoxicpeople.Solet’snotlabelpeoplewithtrustissuesandselfesteemissuesas“toxic”becausetheyarealreadystrugglingmorethanyoucouldunderstand.Judgingandpushingthemawaybecausetheyare“paranoid”or“thinklessofthemselves”isfarmoretoxicthantheattributesyoujustlisted… Sarah Ifeelallofthis. JorgeAntezana Greatreflection!Ilovethesimplemannertoexplainahugeissue. Felicitaciones! SAM Thisarticlehelpsmerealizethati’vebeeninarelationshipwitha“DramaMagnet”,icouldneverunderstandhowthey’realwaysstartingaproblem,afteranotherhasbeenresolved.Andtheyalwaysmakemefeelbadandindirectlyblamesmefortheproblemtheycreatedthemselves. Toyin TheStoryofmylife..IfinallylefttheToxicmarriage..Itwasterrible..Myhealthwasaffected.Depressed,mentaldown..NowifoundmySanityback..Leaveatoxicrelationship..Fast JESSI Ididn’tknowI’maroundwithtoxicpeople.IrealizeditverylatethatIwasveryhurtbythem. KellyCorkran IamhavingtroublewithatoxicpersoninmylifebutontheupsideIamhavingtolearntosaynoandstopbeingasofttouch. Anupriya Thankyou, Iknewsomethingwaswrongwithmyownsister.Recentlyourrelationshiphasbecomemorevicious.WhilelisteningtoyouIhaverealizedthattherearesomanytraitsshehas.Shefindssomethingtoblameonmeeverysingleday.HerenergyaroundmeisofhateandjealouslyforwhichIreallyseenoreason.IfIcompare….Sheisfair,Iamdark,SheisintelligentIamnot.ShehassomanyachievementsandIdon’t.But,InsteadIshouldhavebeenthatinsecurepersonbutIamnot.IamfeelingbadformyselfrealizinghowmuchIhavetoleratedinlast30yearsandwhereitleadus.Ihavecompletelylostmyself.MyselfesteemisdeadandIhatedmyselfsomuchalltheseyearsforcausingpaintoher.Idefinitelycan’tchangeanythingaboutandaroundherbutyeah..Iammovingout! Mar Icanidentify.Thefeelingofdeceptionispainful gul Hi,I’m20(andfromanonEnglishspeakingcountry)So,afterIstartedafightwithmysister(ayearolderthanme)Ifelthorrible.IknewIwasgoingtostartafightandIcouldn’tstopmyselfandsaidhurtfulthingstoher..andmadehercryandthenIcried..Ididsamethingtomyoldersisterbutonlyshecried.Ievendosamethingstomyparents..IalwaysrealizehowbadandhorriblepersonIamrightafterIhurtthemandwhenmyangerisgone(like5to10mins:(..)andso,afterfeelingworstthewayItreatedmysister,IwentonlinetoseewhyIamthewayIam..andIfoundthissite/thispost.Ihave6outofthese7traits.IwanttochangebutIalwaysgobacktobeingthesamehorriblepersonIam.ItriedalmosteverythingbutIcan’tkeepmymouthshout.Iamthinkingofseeingapsychiatrist,becauseIalwayshurtandtrytocontrolpeoplearoundme.That’swhyIlostallmyfriendsaroundme. Idon’tthinkIcanchangewithoutgettinghelpanymorebecauseI’mcrossingthelineeverytimeandIdon’twantmysistertonotlikemeornotwanttoseemeanymore.Ihatemakingpeoplesadbutwhycan’tIstopmyself..afterthissitepoppedoutfrontofme,I’mmoreandmoresuretoseeapsychiatrist,andhopefullybeabetterperson.Ihopeanyonewhohasthesetraitscanchange:( IgotsosadwhenIsawsomeonesayingthattheyputdistancebetweenthemselvesandtheirsisterandthattheygotbetterandthattheystilllovetheirsisterbuttheydonotlikethemanymore.It’ssad.Idon’twantanyofmyfamilymemberstosaythatoreventhinkthatwayaboutme.NotbecauseIliketocontrolpeoplebutbecauseIhonestlytrulylovethem. Ireallydo. Iwanttobenormal,likeeveryoneelse. Zaki MayAllahswtgrantyouguidance&helputocomeoutofthis.Aameen Ashlyn HiGul, Mysisterislikeyou,exceptshedoesn’tcarethatshehurtsothers.Sothefactthatyoucareandwanttochangeisalreadyhuge.Thebiggestthingismobilizingthatdesireofchangeintoaction.Iwouldrecommendseeingapsychologist/therapist,seesomeonewhowilltrybehavioraltherapyandnotforcedrugslikepsychiatristsoftendo. Ihopeyouareabletofindhelp,becausetherealityisthatwecannottreatpeoplehoweverwewantandexpectthemtostillwantusintheirlives(asyoualreadyknow).Ihopeyoufindhelp,andknowthatitisoutthere.Researchblogsandarticlesofpeoplewhostruggleinthesamewayyoudo,youwillfindbothsolidarity,hope,andpracticesonhowtogetbetter.Itispossible,Ibelieveinyou!🙂 Susan It’sgoodthatrecognizethatyouhaveproblemsandneedtogethelp.Isuggestthatyoudoifyoucan.Wishingyouthebest! M.R. July2,2021 Ithink/amwonderingifmaybeit’samatterofdifferentpersonalities,orsomethinglikebirthordertraits.Italsosoundslikeyouhaveemotionalpainofyourown:maybeyouarejustadifferentperson(weallare),andmaybetherelationshipsvaryaccordinglywitheachrelationship.Familydynamicsalsoplayaroleandareimpactedbyeachfamilymemberandallthesubsequentrelationships.Donotbehardonyourself:loveyou,appreciateyou,understandyou,bealistener. AbdelHamid Howabouttheonepersonwhoisemotionallyunpredictable,formakingmyselfmoreclear,youwouldn’tknowifthispersonwouldgetmadatyoufornoapparentreasonanduponasking,youhavetodigreallydeeptoknowwhythey’remad. Shelly Ihavethisfriendwhoisalwaystalkingaboutherboyfriendsandherproblems.Shealwaysasksmeifshelikesherboyfriend,ifsheshouldbreakupwithhim,oraskmeifshelikesomeone.Thishasbeengoingonformonths.Shebarleytakestimeforme.AnytimeIgototellhermyfeelingssheignoresthemandgoesontotalkaboutherboyfriendproblems.Wecan’tevenhavearealconversetationwithoutthosequestionscomingup.Shethinkseverythingisaboutherboyfriend.Onedayshesaid”ifIdon’teatmyfoodIfeellikeIdon’tlovehimanymore.–Talkingaboutherboyfriend.It’severyfiveseconds.IwantmyfriendbackbutatthesametimeIwonderifshe’stoxic.. Chuck I’mmarriedwithtwokidsandmywifeisverytoxic.Whatseemedthingsthatcouldimprovewithtimeonlygotworsetoanincredibleextent.It’stough.Itmademegrowalotthroughmeditationandselfinquiry.I’dleaveifIcouldbutIlovemychildren,theyare7and9andtheygetit.Theyarevictimstoobuttheylivetheirmother.ByonlysatisfactionwhenIconfrontheristhatIcaptureallherattentionandshedoesn’tlashesoutonthekidssoitprotectsthem.I’mmakingplanstoproposeanamicableseparationbutIknowit’sgonnabehardbecauseshe’svengeful.Shestoppedherownmotherandsistertoseethechildrenfor5years.Iwastheonewhobroughtthemback.It’shard.SometimesIloseit.ButIwillkeepmeditatingandgrowing.ButIfeelIalsoneedtotherapy. Chuck Sorryfortypos:they*lovetheirmother *myonlysatisfaction Anon it’sadmirablewhatuaredoingforurkidsandIappreciateyourefforts,I’msorrythatuhavetodealwiththis Pati HiChuck,Youdon’tneedtocorrectyourmistakesIunderstandexactlywhatyou’resaying.IdetectalotofpositivitywithyouandIwishyouallthebesttosucceedandIgetitthatyou’restayingaroundfortherightreasonsandyouappeartobeaveryprotectivefatherandthosechildrenareveryluckytohaveyou Jay Thankyousomuchforthispieceofawell-writtenarticle. AsIhaveseenfromsomeofthecommentsabouthowtheyhaveafriendortwothatfitintothesecategoriesandhereIamwonderingwhetheramItheonewhoistoxic.IamtrulyconfusedandsometimesmyfriendsmakemewonderifIamthebadguy. IhavetrustissuesandIreallyhopethatitdoesn’tgetinthewayofmetryingtoopenuptootherpeople.MytrustissueshavebeenaroundsinceIwasbetrayedbysomeofmyfriendsfromwaybackthenandIhavebeentryingtofixit.SincesomeofmycurrentfriendsknewthatIhavetrustissuesandIwonderiftheyareusingthisasawaytomakemefeelmorelikeabadpersoninafriendship.IhateitwhenIfoundoutthatoneofthemwastryingtoimitatewhateverIamdoingjusttogetothers’approval.IfeltlikemyidentitywasstolenfrommeanditmakesmethinkalotabouthowIfelt.AmIwrongtohavesuchanuglyfeeling? PeoplesaythatatoxicpersonwouldfeelangryatothersgettingcomplimentandIdidfeelangryattimesespeciallywhenthecomplimentsaren’tbefittingtothatperson.TherearelotsoftimewhenIwouldgenuinelyfeelproudandhappyformyfriends’achievementsandthatisbecauseIknowthattheytrulydeserveditunlikesomeimitator. CansomeonetellmewhetheramIthetoxiconeandifso,whatshouldIdotogrowintoabetterperson,please? Susan Ifeelsobadforyou,Ican’timaginehowdifficultthismustbe,especiallywhenyouhavechildren.Hugs Nicole Iaminasimilarboat,howeverthisjusthappenedtomeregardingmytoxicSister.AfterIrationallystooduptoherandvoicedhowshehurtmeemotionallyshelashedoutinangerandsaidIamneverseeingherSon(myNephew)again.Iamalsomeditatingandseekingtherapywhichishelpful.Goodlucktoyou. Adan 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👌 Bob Chuck,Ihavebeeninasimilarrelationshipfor23years.Ialsohavetwochildrenwhoarenow22and19anddealingwithemotionalissues.MywifeandIwereincouncilingoneyearafterwemetandtheadvicegiventomewasturnandrun.Ididnotbecauseofourfirstbornandmyloveforhim.Mywholelifehasbeennothingbutservingherlikeaslavebutnothingiseverenoughtopleaseher.Iknownowwhatamistakeitwastostayintherelationshipandhowstayingactuallyhurtmychildreninsteadofhelping.Theynevergottoseemeasarolemodelundernormallife.Mywifecan’thelpwhosheis,I’vegivenupwaitingforthedayshewilleversaysheissorryformistreatingsomeone.Ihavewatchedherdisrespectanddisownfriendsandfamilymembersovertheyearsforreasonsonlyshecanjustify.Myadviceisgatherallofyourstrengthandleave,evenifyouseeyourchildrenlesstimeeachweekitwillbequalitytimethatwillhelpthemdevelopintogoodpeople. Mac Icantotallyrelatetothissentiment.I’minthesameboat. Rajendra samesituationwithmeaswelligotstuckbadlynotabletodecideondivorceyetitstakingtollonme. John Ihaveexperiencedyoursituationfor31yearsanditisverydifficult.Trytofindjoyandhappinessforyouandyour2childrenandtrynottotakeanythingyourwifedoesorsayspersonally,she,likemywife,probablyhasadiagnosablepersonalitydisorder. Em HerBehaviorCanRubOffONTOTHECHILDREN,AndTheyCanEventuallyStartActingLikeSheActs. Jeff IfeellikeIwrotethat!! Akari First,Iwanttothankyouforthearticlethatyoupublished.Itisreallyaneyeopenerforme. Iamcurrentlyinsideacertaindilemmarightnow,dealingwithafriendwhofeelstooentitled,simplybecausesheisolderthanme,shewasmyclassmatebackintheUniversity,sheismyclosefriend’sbigsisterandmyroommatefor6monthsalreadyduetothelockdown.Iaminmy20’sandcurrentlyheldapositionatwork.This“friend”happenstobeundermysupervision. Yetshealwayswantstobringourfriendshipatwork. Shewillbetoodramaticifnewrulesandannouncementswillbeposted.Shewillmessageme,tellingthatit’stoomuchandrantsallaboutit,sheevendidalltheseinasarcasticway.Shealwaystoldmelikeit’sbadtoalwaysfollowcompanyrules,thatIjustlovethecompanytoomuchbecauseofmyposition.IjustturndeafearandtrytounderstandhersidesinceIamresponsibleforherasherleader,IraisedherconcerneverytimeshehasoneanditturnsoutI’mthebadoneafterthat.Worseis,shebecomesmyroommatebecauseofthelockdown.I’vebeenputtingupwithherfor6monthsandcounting.Sheoftenconfrontsandblamesme,shewilloftenthrowshadesatme,especiallywhenmyotherroommatesarearound.Shedoesn’twanttotalktomedirectlywhenit’sonlythetwoofusinsidetheroom,itseemslikesheneedsaudienceeverytimesherants.IwasalmostdonewiththestagewhereIcaretoomuchforherbecauseshe’smytemporaryroommate.Istartednottocarebutithurtstobeexcluded,tofeelunwantedeventhoughIdidnotdoanythingwrong.Iwaswonderingsometimeswhat’swrongwithfollowingcompanyrules,raisingconcernsifnecessary.Oftentimes,whenshethrowshadesagainandagain,Ijuststaysilent,Idon’twanttowastemyenergyanymoreexplainingagainandagainandtryingtoletherunderstandmyside. So,IrecentlyboughtapairofheadsetbecauseofthisandIenclosedmyselfinaprotectiveshell.Iputbarrierandwilljuststayassilentaspossiblewhenevershethrowsshadesatme.IbecomeakilljoypersonwhenI’minsideourroom.ButIstillactcivilinfrontofherandaskquestionswheneverIneededto.IamslowlyturningintoanintrovertandIfeellikeIambeingcagedalready.IwanttoleavethisplacebeforeIwilllosemysanityandmyselfbutIcan’tfornow. Ioftencrymyselftosleep.IfeellikedidIreallydidsomethingwrongtoruinafriendship.Whyisittoodifficultforhertounderstandthings,thisisnotthefirsttimeshedidthis,thispast6months,toomanytimesalreadythatIcametothepointwhereIjustgotfedup,IwillnotsayIdon’tcareaboutbecauseIstilldo.AllIwantisforhernottobringourmisunderstandingatworkinourroom,becauserightnow,theroomismyonlyhavenbutshe’sslowlyturningitintoanundesirableplacetostay.AndIcan’tletthathappen. Ireallydon’tknowifignoringherandbeingcivilwillmakeadifferenceorIshouldtalktoheraloneagaintobringbackourfriendship. Jay DearAkari, Afterreadingyourcomments,yourfriendisdefinitelytheonewhohastheproblem.Notonlydidshenotrespectyourdutyandjobbutshealwayswantstoplaythevictimaswell.IhadfriendslikeyoursandIwentthroughthesamething.Confiningmyself,becominganintrovertandIwouldalwayskillthemoodinaroom.Then,whenthingsgotworse,Ibegantodeveloptrustissuesandtilltoday,Ifeelvulnerabletryingtoopenuptonewfriends. Somefriendswhoareconsideratewouldunderstandwhereasotherswouldusethisandmanipulateyoufurther.Theywoulddirectaplaythatmakesyouthevillainofthestage. Allinall,Ijustwantyoutoknowthatyou’renotaloneandwhatyou’vedoneisforyourowngood.Ifyoulovethejobandthecompanywhileothersaretryingtomakeyourlifeharder,let’sjustignorethemandmoveonwithourlife.Wearebetteroffwithoutthemandsomeday,someonewhoisbetterwilldefinitelybethereforyou. Sheila Ifeelterribleforignoringmyfriend.Butisitsupposedtotakemoundsofefforttobesomeone’sfriend? Wewerefriendsyearsagobutstoppedjustpartedways.Aboutayearagoshemovedintwodoorsdownfrommydadanddowntheroadfromme.Soofcourseweranbackintoeachother.Atfirstitwasgreat!Reminiscingandhangingout.ButthenIfindoutthatshe’samajorhoarder.She’salwaysgoingcurbsideshoppingandgettingmoreandmorejunkthansheknowswhattodowith.Shekeepsaskingmetohelphergetstuffon-lineforhertosell.AndshegetsupsetbecauseIjustdon’thaveanyinterestindoingthat.Sheasksforwaytoomuchmoneyforeverythingshe’sgot!AndwiththeCoronaepidemicnow,peoplearen’twantingtobuyusedstufffromotherpeople. Alsoshe’llcallmeaboutsomekindofdramaandgetsupsetifIdon’tanswerorcallherrightback!IstartgettingmessagesfromhersayingI’mdisrespectfulandmean.I’vehelpedhermovestuff,cleanandorganizeherplace,loanedhermoneythatI’venevergotback,andtriedtogiveheradvicethatsheneverwantstohearfromme. Soyeah,nowI’mignoringherbecauseeithershe’sgoingtoasktohelpherdosomethingorI’vegottohearhowbadherlifeis.AndI’vegotaboyfriendanda11yearoldgirl.IfIcan’tjumptoherneeds,IhavetohearwhatabadfriendIam. HowdoItellherthatIjustcan’thandlebeingherfriend?Shealreadytalksabouthavingnooneandhowalonesheis! Patrick DearAskari, Sheisjealousofyouandtryingtobringyoudown.Shewillneverchange.Tryandholdonuntilyoudon’thavetoshareyourroomanddropher.Jealouspeopleneverchange,it’sintheirnatureandtheyaretoxic.Shewilltryandputyoudownateveryopportunity.Youlovethecompanyyouworkforso,followtherulesifyouwant.Dowhatyourheartistellingyoutodo,youwillfeelbetterwhenyoumoveonfromthisperson.Ido,sinceImovedonfromatoxicfamilymemberwhohadputmedownforyears.Irealisedaftermovingon,thatshewasthecauseofmefeelingdepressed.IamfinenowthatIhavemovedon. Iknowthisisaboutyou,butjustgivenyouanexampleofhowtoxicpeoplemakeyoufeelandthebenefitofmovingon.Youcandoitbycoolingoffinagentlewasasyouworkwithherso,keepprofessionalandslowlypushheraway. Goodluck. Lillie HiAkari, It’sanawfulthingtobegoingthroughandyoushouldn’thavetoasyouhavearighttopeaceandrespect! Yoursocalled“friend”isnotafriend.Regardlessofthesituationsheneedstoshowrespect. Obviouslyshehasissues,andisbehavinginatotallydisrespectfulmannertowardsyouatworkwhichisunacceptable.Youaredoingtherightthing,youarefollowingcompanyguidelinesandprocedures,ofcourseifyoudon’tagreeyoucantakethemuppersonallywithyourmanagement.Ifyourstaffdon’tagreeyoucanorganizeateammeetingandthendiscussitwithuppermanagement.Ifthatfails,toobad,sheeitherneedstoziphermouthandgetonwithherjob,leaveorgetfired!! Youshouldnothavetoaccommodateherneedsthisisnotabouther,it’saplaceofbusiness,andsheneedstogetoverit,getonwithitorgetoutandyouneedtoremindherofthis,dontbeafraidofthe”whatif”.Lookatitthisway,youloseafriendyougainanother. Nobodyshouldhavetosuccumbtoattitudesofothers,byyoudeprivingyourselfofenjoyingyourtimeatworkandhome.Thereasonshewon’tconfrontyoudirectlyaloneissheisafraidofwhatyouwillsaytoher,sheisnotasstrongasyouthink!! Thisisonlybecausenobodyhasyettostanduptoher,sheneed’sother’saroundforsupportandapproval.Thismakesherfeelspecialandsuperior. Bestwaytodealwithherisshowherwho’sincharge.You’renotsettlingforherpettiness,sheneedstoberemindedsheisatworkandifyouneedtobemoreruthlessthenyoudoit!! Havingsaidthat,youcanshareprivatejokes,conversationsbutremindhertherewillbenospecialtreatmentintheworkplaceandnotbecompelledintothinkingshecanactacertainwayandbetreateddifferentlytoother’sbecausesheisa“friend”.Whenyou’reoutsideofwork,shecanbeyourfriend.Youmayliketotalktoyourclosefriendabouttheirsister’sbehavior.Thisisinappropriateandunacceptablebehaviortowardsyou.Ifsheshowsnorestraintorimprovesinherattitude,thenyouneedtolethergo,thisisnothealthyforyouandyourenvironment. Remainprofessional,betactfulanddiplomaticinyourapproach.Letherknowthedifferencebetweenworkandoutside.Therearerulesandetiquettetofollowintherealworldit’scalledprofessionalismandbusiness. Mary GreetingsAskari, Iamsorryaboutthatsituation.Ihaveexperiencedsimilarsituation.After11yearsIexcusedmyselfandthatendedthat.Sometimespeoplestayandget“battered”andtheybecomesameasyoufeel.ToxicdramaIsthereareasonyouletherbatteryou?Youcanchangeyoursituationandittakescourage.Youcansympathizewithherandslowlyadleaveher.Sendhertoanotherdept.orfireher.Miserylovescompanyanditisto“disinfect”yourself.Shewillnotchangeforawild.Itappearsyoufeelresponsibleforher.Thisisagoodexampletouse“socialdistancing”.6ftapartandwearamask.SeekhelpfromyoursupervisorAskthesupertowatchtheinteractionandfeedback.ORoneofyouhavetogo.Ifitcontinuesshewillcostyourjob,Shehastobenoticed--sheisaborderlinedramaqueen.Outsiderswillseetheproblemandmayturnonyou.Thatishowshewillwin.Youcanworkwithsomeoneorbeafriendbutyouwillloseintheend.Seenittoomanytimes.SorryIcannotchangethesituationbutYOUareherboss.ItwillhurtbecauseyouwanttohelpaBorderlineDisorder.Thereisnohelpforher,exceptatherapist/psychology.BPDistheONEdisorderNOonewantedtodealwith.IgotstuckwithsametypeandtheykeptassigninghertomewhenIwasoffduty.WhenIreturnedIfixedthem.ShedidnotwantmeasherprimaryafterIgotfedupwiththestaffandher.WomenWithseriouspersonalitydisorder.GooglePersonalitydisorders.Thereare3majorproblemPersonalitydisorders:BPDistheWORSE.Youmayknowanotherasseriousasyourproblem.Theyalwaysgetoneuponyou.Youmaygethelpwithacounselor.Thatwillalsobenefityoutoremedytheties.Atthispoint,YOUhavetomakethecall.Toughenup.Younayhavetodealwithsamesituationagain.Then,youwill“BePrepared”.ItelyouthisbecauseIhavebeensamesituationanditisacircularsituation.BeWell. Mary Cecelia Iwasn’tawareIhadatoxicco-worker/frienduntilrecently.Wewerebothatthesameplaceinourlivesatonetime(workedfromhome–hadthreekidsthesameage).Weruninthesamesocialcirclesforwork.Oneofourothersocialfriendssentagroupemailoutaskingforadviseonacertainvendor.Rightaway,mycoworkerrepliedwithasuggestion.Ialsorepliedlateraskingifsheknewanothervendorforhersituation.Mycoworkerimmediatelyrespondedbacktomethatshetookcareoftheproblemalreadywithoursocialfriend.AsifIama6thgraderbeingtoldtostayoutofacertaingroup!Irespondedbacktoher“wow!.SheaskedforsuggestionsandIgavehermyidea”.Andotherthings..snideremarkstomehowshedidnt’how“Iwasthatbusyatwork!”(Iwonanaward)Shesecretlycompeteswithme..takescoursesaftershefindsoutIhavetakenthem. Whataneyeopener!I’vebeenghostingherfortheweeksnow.Sheisconstantlycallingmefor‘help’(whichInowseeawaytoconvincemesheisavictiminsomefashion). WhenIthinkbackonpastconversations,shehasawaytoplaythevictim“whydoeshelikeyouandnotme?”“Whydotheyrespondtoyouandnotme?”“WhatdidIdowrongthathescreamedatmeonthephone”.Somanythingsthatsadly,Ididn’tknowIwasbeingusedandplayed.Nomore.Ican’tbelieveIam60yearsoldandhavingtodealwithawomanwhohasa6thgradematuritylevel.Goodgrief. JoshuaPotesDeGuzman GHOSTHERTOO Mary HiCecelia, Ireadcouldn’thelpbutempathizedwithyouasyoursituationsoundssomuchlikemyveryown. Icameintoafriendshipwithacoworkerwhojustjoinedthestafflittleoverayearago.Wemeshedrightawayaswebotharemothersofchildrenaroundthesameageandworkedinthesamedepartment. Astimepassed,shebecameverycontrolling,competitiveandjudgmentalofeveryonearoundherincludingme.Sheasksalotoffavorsfrompeopleandtriedusingmetodothingsforher-forthepeoplewhoshewantedthefavorsfrom.Sheishighlymanipulativeandseemstobealwaysinthemidstofastaffconflictbutsomehowgetsherselfout.Inoticedthatwhenshecannotgetherwayshebecomeshighlycriticalandcompareshercoworkers.SheclaimsshehasalotoffriendsbutallIseeherdoingisusingthemforfavorsanditmademesosickthatIslowlystoppedhangingaroundher.ShebecameobsessivewhensherealizedIwastryingtopullawayandtoldmehowmuchshelovedmeandourfriendship.Oh…sheisverygoodatcomplimentingandbutteringuptopeopletomelttheirhearts…shedoesittoeveryoneandshetellseveryoneshelovesthemwhenshewantssomethingfromthem.Apartfromthatsheisaspoiltchildinabodyofanadultandexpectseveryonetopamperherthesamewayhermotherandhusbanddo.IhavereachedtothepointthatItoldhersomethingsonmymind…butsheturnsitaroundlikeitsmyfault. ThebestadviceIcangiveistostayclearandsevereallclosetiestopeoplelikethis.Theyliveintheirownbubbleandseethingsfromtheirownperspective.Itdoesnotmakesensetoargueyourpointorgiveanopinionaspersonslikethisfailtoseetheirownshortcomings. Mary Youdidtherightthingforbothofyou.Theotherpeoplehavetomakeuptheirownmindstocutthecord.Thosesituationsneverresolveunlessoneleavestherelationship.Youarecorrectabouthandlingthatcircularrelationship.Onepersoncannotmakethatsituationwork.Ittakestwobutonehastodecidethattherelationshipistoxicandhastoseverties.Othersarefeedingherneverendingappetitefordrama.Shemayevenarguewithherself.IamgladyouwereBrave,.Youmayhavesavedyouandher.Nowtheotheremployeeshavetodowhatyoudid.Itishardbutthatwasalosingsituation. BeWell. Lillie HiCecelia, Wow!isaboutright. Howatrociousco-workersandfriendscanact. Simply,thisladyisveryjealousofyouandyourachievements.Sheplaysthevictimwhileatthesametimewantstobelikeyou. However,sincesheisnothinglikeyou,byherimmediatelyrespondingbeforeyouandtellingyoushe’stakingcareofeverythingmakesherfeelmorecompetentandcentreofattention. Ghostingherisonewaybutnotalwaysthebestway.Confrontingherinapolitewayofcourse,aboutheractionsandresponsestoyouisoftenthebestwaytogethertorealizewhatsheisdoingcanbeuncomfortableandhurtfulasitshowsdisregardanddisrespectonyouroutput. Ifyousimplyjustignoreher,shekeepsdoingthisandwilldotoother’s.Thesetypeofpeopleneedtobeshownamirror,theiractionscausehurtanddiscomforttoother’stheyneedtobetold.Thismaynotmakethemalwayschangetheirwaysbutcertainlywakesthemup,likeaslapintheface. Ifsheposesmoreproblems,thenit’stimetonothaveanythingtodowithherceasecontactandstayawayfromherifpossible. Teresa I’vebeeninarelationshipfor3yrs. Alwaysgettinghopeto:takingmeout,spendingtimewithme.ButinsteadallI’vereceivedareliesGivingwithoutreceivingtillmyimmunesystemisnowweak.I’mdepressedUnsureofmyselfLowselfesteemanddrainedwhenhefeelstheneedtoseemeAllIhavedoneiscryforthelast3yrsHeignoredmybirthdayWentinatripwithsocalledfriendsWhichIfoundouttobealie.Nowgettinghelpfromhospitalcounseling:)itwashardformetobelievepeoplecanbesoselfishandcruel OgunbelaMayowa Iamlargelybrokenfromyourcommenthere,thingisyouhaveallowedmanplayGODinyourprivatelife,IhavenotseenormeetyouinpersonbutIknowyouareabeautifulpersoninandoutandyoudeservewaybetterthanyouareofferingyourself,come-ongirlthreeyearsistoolongtomournadeadmansaylessofacarelessthing,ifhedon’tcareaboutyouwhybotherabouthim,athousandofuswouldgotothemoonandbackjustbecauseofyou,releaseyourselffromthisself-imposedbondageandexplorethebesttheworldhastoofferyoumydear,youwillsoonfindloveandregretwastingsomuchtimeandenergyonaverycarelessthing,Ihatetoseeyoucryagainaboutthisbaby,wakeupandgetupforthatwhichisgoodforyourhealth.Runafewmetersandtellyourselfhowbeautifulyouareandhowsomeonegoodisdyingtojusthaveahandshakewithyou.JusttoletyouknowIloveyouandweloveyoutoo.[email protected] JesseSilva Question:Whatifthebetteranswertodealingwithtoxicpeopleistoincreaseourskillssothatnoformoftoxicityaffectsusinternally?Wouldn’tthatbetheantidotetotoxicbehavior?Itseemsanoddpathtoremovepeoplefromyourlifethatyoublameforyourfeelsinginside,doesn’tit? Suzie No.Theotherpersonwillnotchange.Isupposeyoucanmuscleupbut,don’texpectthatpersontochange. Crystal Ithinkit’shardtobeemotionallycompetentbeccauseitinawayhelpstoenforcesuchtoxicbehaviours.ButwithloveIoftenholdthebeliefthatthetoxicpersonwouldeventuallyrealizehisproblemsathispace. Everyonecanbetoxicfromtimetotime.Iwouldalsobelievethatmytoxicbehaviourswouldgoawaybyembracingtheworldwithmorelove. Subs Hi,Icommendthosewhocouldidentifysomeofthesetoxictraitswithinthemselves.Iwasactuallydoingasearchonwhypeoplewouldalwaysbemeantomeandavoidmeandwhymyrelationshipswithotherpeoplealwaysendupadesaster.IamatoxicpersonseeinginthisarticlewhatIsee.TheonlyclosefriendIhaveisanothertoxicperson.ThankGodforlockdown!Iamnowfranticallysearchingforanantidote,remedyormedication,asIreadthiscanbeneurological.Help! starryskies Myfriendwhoistoxicisactuallyhasafriendthatistoxicalsoigaveuponherbecauseshepostedaconversationwithhertoxicfriendandthetopicwasmesheforgottobluroutmyname.She’sabestfriendofminefromelementaryandi’mturning30inmylifetimeijustwanttoavoidanddetoxfromthingsthatwillcausemeunnecessarystressallthatireadaboutinthisarticlefitsherialwayshavetofixherandherproblemsevenherdecisionmakingshealwaysalwayshaveproblemsshecan’tseemtogetawayfromsheliesandcheatbutenoughisenoughshehavedonemewrongsomanytimesthisoneisthelastiloveherbutican’tbewithherlifegoeson. OgunbelaMayowa Icommendthosewhocouldidentifysomeofthesetoxictraitswithinthemselves,Ialsocommendthosewhocouldidentifysomeofthesetoxictraitswithinthemselvesandworkonit,truthisweallhavesometoxicityinusallbuthowwechosetocarefullylookoutandsearchourinnerselftoseehowtoxicweareatsomejunctionandhowreadywearetomakesacrificestodevelopourself-consciousinregardstoouractivityandhowtheyimpactothersandalsoportrayusisaverysignificantfirststepathuntingdownthatbeastinus.[email protected] OgunbelaMayowa Pardonmytypo(self-consciousness) Dani I’velearnedI’mthetoxiconetoo.ButIdon’twanttobesoImreadingcommentsofpeoplewhoaredealingwithtoxicpeopletringtoseetheirpointtobettermyself.Ireallyneedadviceonhowtochange. Patrick HiSubs Ithinkthebestwaytodealwithyourtoxicbehaviouris,creategoodKamawithinyourself.First,tryforgivenessbyforgivingyourselfandothers.Thentrychangingbadthoughtstogoodthoughtsanddosomethingniceforsomeoneeveryday.Itcanbeassimpleassayingsomethingkindtosomeone.Showmorecareforpeople.Ifyougivecareandrespectyouwillreceiveitback.Learntolistentopeoplewithpatientsandshowsomeunderstanding.Iamsureyouhaveallthoselifeskills,butsomeofusdon’tcommunicatethemverywell.Tryandloveyourselfinsideandout.Yousoundlikeanicepersonwhocanidentifyyourownproblemwhichisgood.Mosttoxicpeopledon’tchangebecausetheyaretotallyunawaretheyaretoxicandhavenoinsighttochange.Youhavetheinsightso,youcanchangeandIamsureyouwill.Youhavemadethefirststep.Goodluck MikaylaAtkins FormanyyearsI’vevisitedmymomafewtimesthroughouttheyearwholiveswithwhatusedtobeaprettyclosefriendofhersbutobviouslynotnowandherunbearableanddisrespectfulkidswhohavenocareforanyonebutthemselves. Ican’ttellifthey’realltanksorfibbersordramamagnetsbecauseeverydayisanewepisodeofchaosanddisgustingbehavior. Forone,theyalllie!Noseriously,everysingleoneofthem.Noneofthemeverownuptotheiractionsandalwaysseemtopintheblameonsomeoneelse.Everytimethereisanissueit’ssohardtoaskthemofsimplethingswithoutthemcomingtotheconclusionthattheycouldpossiblyberesponsible. Themominparticularnevergivesanyhelptomymomandalwaysputsherselfandherkidsfirsteventhoughmymomhasextendedahandtothemmultipletimeswhenindesperateneedofmedicalandfinancialstability.Notoncehasmymomeveraskedforthemoneyback,allanyonecouldeverexpectisalittledecencytotakethetimeoutoftheirdaytoaskhowshe’sdoingorifsheneedssomething. Lastbutnotleast,everydayIsliterallyanewchapterofstressandanon-stopcontinuationofpoorandchildishbehavior.Thereisneveradaywherethingsaregoingsmoothlywhensuddenly,BAMBoutofnowherethereisetheradisasterandeverythingturnstoabsoluteagony.Notonlythat,butwhentheyinparticularfeelsad,upsetorangrywithoneanothertheyneedtomakeeveryoneelseintheroomfeelthesamewayevenwhenithasnothingtodowiththem. Iknowthesearetoxicpeoplebecausetheseoccurrencesdon’thappenjustonceamonthorweek,thiskindofhorridbehaviorisliterallyEVERYday.Itdoesn’tstop.Unfortunatelymymomisinatuffsituationwheresheisstucklivingwiththematthemoment,butpleaseifyouoryouknowsomeonewhoisavictimtotheseTOXICpeoplepleasehelpthemorletthemintoyourheart.NowItoohavebecomeavictimtothisdisgustingenvironmentandIfeelsicktomystomachknowingmymommaynotevergetout.Myheartisbrokentootherswhoalsohavetoendurethistypeofenvironment. Ifonlytherewasawaytocurethiskindofbehavior.NowIknowwhywearealwaysfightingateachotherandnotwitheachother.Nowonderwhywehavetheissueswehavetoday. Withlove, Mikayla🤍 MaryJoCamacho AsIwasreadingabouttoxicpeopleIreadMikaylawhatyoushared.AndIcouldnotonlyfeelyou’repainandconcernforyou’remom.AndIcouldalsorelateemotionalytowhatyou’remomisfeeling…Andabout10yearsagoImetthiswomanwhoIfoundveryintrigueing.AndattimesIwouldsharewithherthingsthatIwouldbegoingthroughatthatmoment.Iwillneverforgettheveryfirstphrasetomewas”NowM.J.Iwanttoaskyousomethingyoudon’tneedtoanswereme.Ijustwantyouthinkaboutthis?.Me:ok.”Whatpartdidyouplayinthissituation?'”Iwalkedawayalittlepuzzledbutforevergreatfulforthewayshewouldhelpmeseeandunderstandmyself,sometimesothers.Andit’sbeautifulthatwecanunderstandaccountability.Ifoundmyselfusinghermethodstohelpandteachmychildren.1daymydaughtertoldmemomyou’resosmartmomifpeoplecouldthinklikeyoulifewouldbesoeasy.Shemademefeelsoamazing,butIhadtotellherthetruthwithallhonesty.Isaidtoher”Baby(Ilaughed)Ihavenotallwaysbeenthatsmart,life,age,hastaughtmesomuchaboutlifemylifeaboutme.Italsotaughtmehowtobeabettermotherthroughexperienceswithyou’regrandmother.Anditalsotaughtmetoworkonmeandnotpointfingers.AndIwillbeabetterpersonormomthenIwasyesterday.Shesmiledlovinglyatme.ThenIsharedwithhermygreatesttoolswere1.Beopenminded2.stayteachable3.mostimportantbewilling…BacktotoxicasIreadabouttoxicpeopleIlearnedthatatsomepointinmylifeIwastoo.AndwhenIthinkbackIrememberedaskingmyself?WhatroleorpartdidIplayinthosesituations.Thereweretimeswhenthelightbulbdidntturn.Andattimesmydaughterhadtoplaymyrewindtape.AndIstilldidntgetit.TillIgotsotiredofhearingthevictim,drama,poorme.AndIwouldgetsotiredofitandhowitwasaffectingmeandwhoIwasandIdidntwanttoturnintothemthatIrealizedthatonlyIcouldchangemysituationnomatterhowharditwasgonnabeandsometimesitwashardbutIdidit.Noliemychildrenhelpedmeandwewreteachingmeaswell.TheyhelpedmerememberwhoIwas.AndIcansaystillworkingonallofmylifebutIstayfocusedonpositivityandIrememberwecan”thelppeoplewhodontwanttohelpthemselves.Andyesyouareonpointtheywillsuckthelifeoutof…AndIwillprayforyouremomcauseIhadtolivewithpeoplewhowereIthoughtmyfreindsuntillIrememberedIammybestfreind..Thankingforsharingyourestorywithme. nameless Canyoujustmentionhowtogetridof… EmmImeanrunawayfromtoxicppl?:) Rose I,myselfisatoxictypeofperson.Itendtosendnegativitytootherpeople.Ieasilypinpointsomeoneelse’sfaultwhichmadethemturntheirbacktome,thatiamexperiencingrightnow.Inreturntheyarecausingtoxicityinmylife.Idon’thowiamgoingtodealwiththem.Idon’twanttorunfromthisproblem. Patty Firstgethelpforyourself.Andthenyou’lllearnhowtodealwithothers. Elizabeth Whatissofascinatingabouttoxicityisthatthosewhotendtofind(orisit“seek”)toxicpeopleintheirlivesareusuallytoxicthemselves.Toxicitycanquicklybecomeanechochamberorahallofmirrors.Itdoestaketwototango. Igrewupinanalcoholichousehold.Peopleintheorbitofaddictsbecomeenmeshedinthecomplexstewofdeceptionneededinordertokeeptheaddictionsatisfied.Youcanseewholefamilieslivinginserviceofthis.Andtheresultingtoxicityoftenbecomesintergenerationaltrauma,sincethere’sageneticcomponenttoaddiction. Learningtorootout—really,notrespondto—manipulationandtoxicitywhenit’spresentinyourliferequiresaremovalofoneselfandquietmeditation.Wehavetotrytolistentoourselveswiththeremoveofanobjectiveobserver.Wehavetolistenforthevoiceinsideusthatknowswhatishealthy—andmaybemoreimportantly,recognizeshowwearecomplicitincontrollingothersorbeingcontrolledbythem.Youhavetoreallywanttobehappyandhealthyandit’sgoingtobehard. I’mlearningthescienceofpeopleandI’msogladyou’reofferingsuchsolidtoolstopeoplesotheycanlearn.ButIthinkthemostimportanttoolisselfreflection.Toxicpeoplearealwaysgoingtobeintheworlddoingtheirthing,buthowandwhyareyoufindingthem?Howareyourespondingtothem?Maybethesearethequestionsthatwillmachetethroughtheweedsoftoxicitysowecanliveinthelight. Kate Mysisterissstraightjacket.Atotalcontrolfreak.IloveherbutIdreadbeingslonewithherbecauseshewouldputmedownandtrytocontroleverythingIsayanddo. Shedoesn’tlikeitwhenIdin’tdowhatshesaysorwhenIdon’tinvitehertodothingswithme.Shecannotseehercontrollingbehaviornordoesshetrytofixit. MybestoptionistoavoidherasmuchasIcan.It’ssadbutIputupwithitfordolongIxannotbearitanymore. sandy Katesorrytohearthatyouarehavingsuchdifficultywithyoursister.Butinmyopinionthebestthingtodoissitherdownandtellher. Ali That’smymombasically.🙁 Nicole Kate,IwasinasimilarboatregardingmytoxicSister.Shehasemotionallyandverballyabusedmeforyears.Recentlyiwroteheralettertotellherrationallyhowmuchpainandhurtshehascausedme.Sherespondedangrilyandirrationally;itwasaremindertodistancemyselffurtherandtosaygoodbyebecauseIneedtofocusonmymentalhealth. Irecommendgatheringyourthoughtsandfindthecouragetotellherhowyoufeelandsetboundaries. Thebiggestpriorityistakingcareofyoursanity.Goodluck Patrick HiKate Yourstoryremindsmeofmyself.Mysisterisaverytoxicpersonandhasputmedownforyears.Shehasdamagedmyrelationshipwithotherfamilymembers.Afewyearsagoidecidedtodistancesherandnowhaveverylittlecontactwithher.ItisshethatwilltextmeoccasionallyandIrespondedwithapolitereply,butdon’tengage.Ifeelsomuchbetterandmydepressionhasgonesincedistancingheroutofmylife.Istillloveher,butdon’tlikeher.Isendpositivethoughtandhopethatshewillkeepwellanddon’tholdanyangerabouther,butcannothaveherinmylifeagain.Iamamuchhappierpersonnow.Creategoodkarmawithinyourselfbyforgiveness,butsettheboundariestoprotectyourselfifyourrelationshipimproves.Goodluck Mary DITTO!Greatcomment! BeWell. HenrikSørensen Maybeanfollowingarticleabouthowtobecomealesstoxicperson?Whattodoandwhattodonot.Howdoyougrowawayfromtoxicity? LindaMilligan Theywilltakefromyoubutcantgiveandveryselfcentredalwaysfullof..theirownimportance paul payattentiontoyourbehavioraroundothers.Askyourself.isthisthewayIwouldliketobetreated?Thinkbeforeyouspeakoract.Thosearesometips. gretel Assomeonewhogrewupinareallytoxicfamilyandrepeatedthatpatterninmanyrelationships…Iwouldsaytopeoplewhobelievethey´retoxic…considerhowmuchdamageyou´redoingeverysingletimeyouputyournegativityontoothers….notonlybecauseitdoessomuchpsychologicalharmtoothers,butbecausenohealthpersonwillwanttobearoundyou.Ifyourealizethatyou´retoxic,youalreadyknowthatyourangerandresentmentisharmful.Somakethedecisiontoaddressitratherthanharmotherswiththatnegativity. Vijay AfantasticarticleIwillsharewithallmynon-toxicfriends!Thankyouforthetipsonhowtoidentifyanddealwiththetoxicpeopleinourlives.Youareright,wealldeservetoonlybearoundsupportivepeoplewhowillhelpustobecomeourbestselves. Sadé Iknowthisisaboutspottingtoxicityinotherpeople,butwhatifyoushowsomeofthesetraits?Ihaveshownsignsof2,3,and4.Itwasmoresopronouncedafterchildhood,goingintocollegeandbeinginadifferentenvironmentfrommymother(verytoxictraits).Ihaveaverypatientandlovingboyfriend,andwe’vebeentogetherfor3.5years.TheintensityofthesignsIusedtoshowispracticallygone,butIstillseethemcomeupeverynowandthen.IdocurrentlylivewithmymotherwhileIfinishschool.CouldthesignsI’mdisplayingbefromtherelationshipIhavewithmymother?IstherewaysIcanfigureoutthetoxicityinmyselfandcorrectitsoIcanhavebetterrelationships,particularlyformyrelationshipwithmyboyfriendandself-health? Nancy Yessade.ThefirstthingInoticedwithyouisthatyourecognizethatthere’saproblemandwanttofixit.Trypayingcloseattentiontoyourbehavioraroundmomandboyfriend.Checkyourresponsesandattitudebeforespeakingoracting.Andalsopositivecommunicationisamajorkeytohealthyrelationships. TrytalkingtomomaboutsomeofthosechildhoodmemoriesorthingsthatconcernyouinyourrelationshipwithyourbfHopethishelps. James AfantasticarticleIwillsharewithallmynon-toxicfriends!Thankyouforthetipsonhowtoidentifyanddealwiththetoxicpeopleinourlives.Youareright,wealldeservetoonlybearoundsupportivepeoplewhowillhelpustobecomeourbestselves. Gordon ShouldIshareVanessa’s‘7typesoftoxicpeople’video,withthetoxicpeopleinmylife?THATisthequestion. jason mostdefinitelyGordon.Maybeitwillhelpsomeofthem. rebeccaowen AfterreadingseveralpostingsoftoxicpeopleIbegantothinkthatmaybeIama“toxic”person…somesymptomsapply,othersarenotme.ForexampleIamaprettyhonestperson,myhomehasalwaysbeenopentomyfriendsandmykidsfriends..Iamprettyconcernedaboutpeople,eg.homelesspeople,orminoritypeopleonpublictransportation..but…Idocomeintoaroomlikeastorm,anddorequesttoeatwhereIwouldprefer,oramovieIprefer..Idoshareallthethingsthatbefallme,bureaucratically,financilly..billsandthings..andaboutsomerelationships.IalwaysapologizewhenIdoorsaysomethingwrong…afterreviewingsame..andyetmyfamilymainlytreatmelikeatoxicperson..andyet,IhavealwayshadgoodfriendsineverycityorcountryorschoolIwentto.Infact,somefriendsdatebacktomyfirst20years,others,thenext,andsoforth..nowIam80andbarelysurviving..SoamItoxic?IknowIamoftendepressedforgoodreasonandlonely..thoughIdolovetoreadandgotomypark,oramovie,butnotsomuchtoanotherperson’shousetobeindoors..causeIlikebeinghomealone. EthanTStaton IHopeyouhaveagoodlifesir,thisonehasbeenprobablysocruelandunfairtoyouinmanyways,Ijusthopeyoufindpeaceinwhatslefthere.Ithinkbeingtoxic,evenalittle,doesn’tmatter,we’veallbeentherebeforeandevensomeofusliveassuch,insmallorbiggerways.TomeI’mtoxic,yettoldI’magoodpersonbyalotoffriendsandfamilymembers,theyhavetriatsofbeingtoxicaswell,butaresomeofthebestpeopleI’veeverknown,theyaretoxictoanextent;butIstillverymuchlovethem.Thetruthis,everyonehasbeentoxicandnon-toxic,justmatterstoyouwhoyoulivewithordecidetotalkto,there’snothinginherentlywronginbeingthisway,solongasnobodyisoverlyhurtbyit,andeventhenwhenwouldanybodyknowwho’srightandwho’swrong?It’suptousasindividualstodecidethat,andchoosewhowewanttospendourliveswith.Takecareandrestwellfriend🍁 perrydon HiRebecca.There’sadifferencebetweentoxicandassertive.Soundstomethatyoujusthaveastrongpersonality.Maybeabossorhavealeadershiprollatwork/office.Sometimespeoplegetstuckinthoseworkrollsafterdoingitforsolongandbringthembacktothefamilyandfriends.“Youneedavacation” AndrewFerrier No.You’renottoxic,you’rehuman.Sometimeswearethecenterofouronreality,andforthatfamilymembersreallydoneedtheirspace.Letthembethecenteroftheirownlives.Don’tworryiftheyhavetendencieswhichcouldmakeyoufeelliketheyhavetopurposefullytrytobeawayfromyou.Astrongpersonalitydoeshaveit’ssetbacksforsomegravitationallyspeaking.You’llfindthattheyarealwaysstillwithyoualonglivesjourney.Familiesarelikethat(whichisarealitytheyhavealreadyacknowledged,hencetheirtendencies.)Justdowhatyoudo,forgeaheadontonewfriendships.WhichI’mcertainyouwillcometofindovertimearealsolifelongones. GustavoM.G. HiVanessa! Yourvideoisgreat! Ireadquitealotaboutthiskindofpeoplebutyourexplanationisthebest. Ialsoasktomyself:Whatcanwedoifthetoxicpersonisanimportantclient?Orperhapsaboss? Bye,Byeandnicetoseeyouagain. Gustavo Natalia Thesearegreat,Vanessa.AsItalktopeopleabouthealth,understandinghowtorecognizetoxicpeoplecanbeadifferencebetweenfallingintoadepressionalivingahappyhealthylife.Toxicpeople’sinfluencecanactuallymanifestinstress-relatedphysicalsymptoms,frominsomnia,toweightgain,tocardiovascularissues. I’mdefinitelysharingthiswithmycommunity!Youareawesome,asalways. Carlos Hi,that’srealyseriousstuff🙂CouldIaskyou,howtoactwhenyoufeelsome“toxicity”fromoneofyourparents?Imeansomeone,whoiscertainlynottheoneyouwanttocutofffromyourlife..Doyouhavetoacceptitandbeaware,orarethereanymagicmethodshowtonicelychangetheperson?(I’vereadthatchangesomeoneisalmostimpossible:). Ameliarose14 Igrewupwiththisperson-sheandIwerebestfriendsaskids.Wehadfallenoutofcontactafterawhile,butabout7yearsagoweranintoeachotheragain.Atfirst,itwaslikethe“olddays”,justlaughingandjoking,havingagoodtime.Suddenlythough,itwaslikeaswitchwasflippedinhermindassoonasIconfidedsomeratherpersonalstruggleswithher.SuddenlyshewasusingthatinformationIhadtrustedherwith,asawaytoconstantlyhurtme.Forsolong,IreallydidbelievemaybeIwasover-reactingbynolongerwantingtoassociatemyselfwithher.Ittook6yearstofinallyrealizethatshewasanincrediblytoxicindividual-shewasrealquicktousemyhusbandandIforalotofmoneyandevenstolefromus(wewillnevergetanyofthemoneyback).ThenIheardherbragginghowshestolefromoneofherneighborswhentheywereoutoftownforaweek.Thenitclickedforme:INEEDEDtogetheroutofmylife,andonlywhenIlookedatitfromtheperspectiveof“thisiswrong;Ihavetostarttakingcareofmyselfemotionally;Ican’tcontinuewonderingifit’sme,whenIknowthatit’snot.”thatIfinallygotheroutofmylife.ItoldherflatoutthatIdeservedmuchbetterinafriend,thatshewasclearlynevermyfriend,becauseofherbehaviortowardsme,andthatIwasdonewithherandherbs.Despitehertears,andalltheothercrapshetriedtocomeupwithtotrytomakemetakepityonher,Iwalkedaway-IhaveNOregretsaboutthat.IfIhadtodoitallagain,itwouldn’ttakeme6yearstowalkaway,but“youliveandyoulearn”assomepeoplesay.Nothingmorethanavaluableandtoughlifelesson. JacquelineZaleskiMackenzie MyhusbandsuffersfromPTSD(amongother“gifts”)asaresultofhismilitaryserviceinVietnam.TakingyourcourseshelpsmesoveryVERYmuchtostaypositivewhenheishavingareallydownday.BlessYou! Emma Thankyouforthisusefularticle,andyourwholewebsiteingeneral–Iloveit! Ihadaquestion:Irecognisesomeoneclosetomeinoneofthetoxicpersonpersonas(#5).However,Icareabouthimdeeplyandthinkithastodowithalackofselfconfidence.Doyouhaveanytipsorafollowuparticleonhowtohandlethesedifferenttypesofpersonas? Thankyou! Emma Viktor extremlyinterestingthankyouforletter Bleu Thankyou!Thishelpsalot.IspendyearsfiguringoutwhyIputupandbelievecertainpeopletojustrealizethattheirtraitsarelistedinoneofthetypes.Youhelpedmetounderstanditbetter. Joanmiller Ihavelearnedalotfromthis,andnowIknowI’llbestayingawayfromapersonwhoisverytoxictome.I’llnotletherintomylifeagain.Thanks. NOMBUSO Myhusbandoffiveyearshasthesympyomsofatoxicperson.Hedoesnotwantmetoexpressmyfeelingsandhereactswithangeroutbursts.Heisverydishonest,cheating.Wearenowseparatedforsixmonths.heisnotprotectiveofmeandinsensitive.hEhadatendencyoflashingoutatmeinpublic.Thishasdrainedmeasnowidontwanttohimnearme.Wheneverheisaround,ifeelverydepressed.Inowfeelstressfreesinceweareseparated. Terri After35yearsIjustendedabusinesspartnershipwithapersonwhohaseverytraitlisted.Whenthepartnershipwasendingtheywouldcallmeainsultme.ThedayitendedIwassohappy,8amanotherbadphonecallendingwiththemtellingmethattheyweregoingtodirectlycompetewithmeinbusiness.Thishasbeenworkingovertimestealingemployeesandspreadinghateaboutme.Theemployeeswholefthavebeenofferedtheworld.Thisisthesadpart,thispersonismybrother,Ihavekidsandtheyreallylovedhim.AfterhecalledandtoldmeheplanstoruinmybusinessIdecidedthatmykidscouldnolongergostayathishouse.Thesepeoplearesoscary,onceyougetonthirdbadsidetheyseemtobesolelyfocusedondestruction. Faye My37-year-oldstepsonandhis35-year-oldwifeneverseemtocomearoundmyselfandmyhusbanduntiltheywantustobabysittheirkids.SincebothmyhusbandandIareretired,theyseemtothinkthatallweshouldbedoingnowisbabysittingforthemwhiletheywork.Ihavebabysatfortheminthepast,butthisoneparticulartimetheycamebyearlyonemorningwithoutcallingmetodroptheirchildoffformetowatchallday.Ididn’tappreciatethatespeciallybecauseIwasn’tfeelingwell.Iletthemknowthat.Theybothgotupsetwithmeanddidn’tvisitedusintwoyears.Theyonlystartedcomingbackaroundtwoweeksago,thedaybeforeschoolstarted.Andeventhentheywere“hinting”aboutusbabysittingtheirkids.Theyarebothfullyemployedanddaycarecentersareavailable.Itappearsthattheyonlywanttouseus,particularly,measadaycarecenter.Ireallygetnegativevibeswhenevertheyarearound. michael Addonemore–someoneisalwaysblamingothersfortheinternalresponsesthatcausethempain.Livingindenialtheydissociatefromwhatisgoingoninsideofthemselvesandconcludetheymustgetawayfromthepeoplethat“make”themfeelwhatwasalreadyinsideofthem! Don’ttrytogetawayfromthisperson,doyourinnerwornandheal🙂 Dany Hi!ItwouldbegreatifyoucouldmakeavideoaboutwhathappensandwhattodowhenYOU’rethetoxicone: Thanks!🙂 Dani Ohwow..IamonhereforadvicebecauseIamalsothetoxiconeandIneverrealizedit(obvioussign)&Iwanttochange.Idon’twanttohurtanyoneorbeabadperson! Sophie Greatvideo!timeforantidote😀 DanielleMcRae Thanksforcheckingitout,Sophie! Danielle|ScienceofPeopleTeam Nejc Veryqualitycontent,thankyouverymuchforyoursite!GreetingsfromLjubljana DanielleMcRae Thanksforcheckingitout,Nejc.WelcometotheScienceofPeoplecommunity! Danielle|ScienceofPeopleTeam Richard Onemightnameitavideoofthedayinordertotakepartinthisspectaclepreferablyliveifposible. Commentsareclosed. TableofContents The7TypesofToxicPeople TheConversationalNarcissistTheStraitJacketTheEmotionalMoocherTheDramaMagnetTheJJTheFibberTheTank HowtoDealwithToxicity Guides Popular ComprehensiveBodyLanguageGuide(HeadtoToe) RemoteWork Whatisit&HowtoThriveRemotely TheUltimateGuideToMakingaGreatFirstImpression(evenonline) HowtoTellifSomeoneisLying:TheUltimateDeceptionGuide 24PowerfulTipstoDealwithAnxiety 14SocialSkillstoHelpYouWininLife Microexpressions TheDefinitiveGuidetoFacialExpressions 57KillerConversationStarters 43BestBooksforSelf-ImprovementtoBoostYourConfidence ToxicPositivity:WhyPositiveVibesareRuiningYou 40Productive(AndFun)ThingstoDoWhenYou’reBored 20ScientificTipstoBeatZoomFatigue,AccordingtoYourPersonality 11ExpertTipstoStopBeingaPeoplePleaserandStartDoingYou The8LawsofPower:HowtoGetPowerUsingScience 62UniqueIdeastoBeaNicerPerson,AccordingtoScience Ifyoulikedthisarticle... PrimingPsychology:HowtoGetPeopletoDoWhatYouWantReadMore 4TypesofDifficultPeopleandHowtoDealWithThemReadMore HowtoTurnPeopleOnReadMore The10TypesofAwkwardFriendshipsReadMore HowtoBePeopleSmartReadMore HowtoReadPeopleLikeaBookReadMore ReadMoreinBehavioralPsychology Connect Facebook Twitter YouTube Instagram LinkedIn LearntheskillsI'vetaught500k+studentstobecomemorecharismaticandsuccessful.